heart strings

have you ever had the feeling where your heart really looks forward to an event, yet at the same time you fear it’s arrival? the feeling of anticipation coupled with anxiety, it’s quite the paradox. it simply tears you apart; one side of you yearns to greet it, whilst the other turns the event round and round in your head, analyzing it into tiny molecules.

things are never simple. nor easy. whilst i cannot wait to see her again, my heart is heavy with dread. perhaps i fear what i will see or perhaps i fear the death of my hopes. it should be so straight-forward but maybe i am just a complicated person.

all this may sound senseless to a reading bystander; consider it as ramblings of a person who needs to be at peace. i have forgotten how pain in the heart can be so physically hurting and how the mere act of shopping for her daughter can dig up so much painful memories. memories that was once shared by her and me.

when something goes wrong and you have no way of changing it, your mind blocks out its presence. you pretend it never happened. that is the only way of coping, the only way of continuing. somehow, sometime, however you will be brought back to reality. you will then have to learn the way to cope momentarily with all the sadness..until you can once again shove it back into the closet and close your eyes and mind to the memories.

is this the way to live? is this the way to cope? i don't know, i don't have all the answers. i just do it the way i know how.

it's up!

these pictures are in response to annie's request for a picture post.

my christmas tree is up! it takes so much hassle to put it up every year, so i thought i'll put it up earlier this time so that i can enjoy looking at it longer before i have to tear it down again.


at the moment, the bottom of the tree looks quite bare. presents for me, anyone?



christmas carols, big dinners, drunk santas, leery party-makers, long list of presents to buy....sigh! it's what the season is all about.


the two little ones are going to be santa helpers at a nearby shopping centre this year and they seem to be pretty excited about it.

it's so hot and sunny here that many people don't feel it's christmassy....but i think christmas is in the heart.

a piece of my thoughts

beware! those that have been diagnosed by doctors as having short attention span, please jump to another blogsite NOW! there is no turning back beyond this point! for those with weak hearts and high blood pressure, this post may cause dizziness and palpitations. i hold no liability for any medical conditions caused by reading this entry.

i've been fairly quiet recently, i know. i haven't even had time to make my usual rounds to other blogger's site. *gasp!* thousand apologies! i just haven't been in the right mood to write recently, or to boot up the computer for that matter. i just can't seem to find a minute to sit down quietly and pen my thoughts, what with school holiday, spring cleaning and a thousand other chores on hand.

the in-laws are coming! *double gasp!* plus, they will be staying for one month this time round! *triple gasp!* while they are the best in-laws anybody can wish for, i have never had the opportunity to stay with them under one roof for more than 14 days during my entire 11 years of marriage. whilst it is fairly easy to play the part of an obedient, sub-servient, sweet daughter-in-law for short periods of time, it's going to be a challenge for me to be on my best behaviour for an extended period.

"no problem lah!", says the man who smacks his buttocks and leave for work every morning, leaving everything in my hands until he returns at the end of the day. sigh! i do adore having his parents around, but it's undeniably still a challenge for me to keep two elderly people and two whiny demanding kids entertained. it is after all school holiday and the kids have a mountainful of activites all lined up for them. i can't very well leave my in-laws locked at home, staring at each other for hours and go gallivanting, or so it will seem to their eyes, with the kids. before the end of the week, they will start holding picket signs objecting to the mental abuse. nevermind, i will jump that hurdle when i come across it.

annie may find the next paragraph a little bewildering, what with our foreign cultures and all but bear with me. it's nearly the end of the year and many fortune tellers have come out with their horoscope for next year. i must admit that i am not a total disbeliever but my usual absent-mindedness stops me from latching any serious implications to it. it goes in one ear and out the next, as with all things that are repeated to me. i have been told that next year, the year of the boar, is not such a good one for me. i take all that with a pinch of salt, although i will still visit the temple to do the annual rituals, which i do every year anyway, come good or bad. perhaps what is more troubling is the forecast for those born under the year of the dragons; my mother. sigh! it's time like this that i become aware of how i can't shield my loved ones from potential harm, no matter how much i will like to. i will prefer all the bad forecasts to be directed to the boars which perhaps are not entirely fair to the other boars. all types of ugly scenarios flash through this over-active virgo's imagination and i must constantly remind myself not to panic. breathe, breathe. sheesh! what a drama-queen. seriously though, i worry but i act nonchalant so as not to frighten my mother further. this year has already been the worst of my life and i hope that this year will still hold that record when i look back at the end of next year. i don't think i'm ready for more grown up responsibilities yet. i don't quite know how to deal with the heartache yet.

black thursday

this morning started out as the absolute crappiest (to borrow a phrase from sengkor).

my deep slumber was roughly awakened by somebody informing me that my daughter's ride to school today will not be available. stupid people. they don't know the perils of interrupting a lady dragon in her beauty sleep. *scorchhhh!*

so, i became designated driver today. halfway through the trip, i realised that the car is running dangerously low on fuel and i have a long way to go. whizzing around at 110kmh is hardly the time to suddenly run out of petrol. plus my handphone is blinking 'recharge, recharge'. sighhhhh! it is not a good start to an early morning. still, i ignored the needle as it continued to inch downwards. i seem to have a surreal sense of security that i will not be stranded on the highway as i stubbornly chose to plough on.

amazingly, i survived the trip to school and back, with the car and myself intact (a pose with a sign of victory is appropriate here). however, the mighty powers above decided to test my patience a little wee bit more. the entire morning, i bumped into every table corner, scraped my knee, stubbed my toe and knocked against things like a drunken fool. each time, i took a deeper breath. i'm not quite ready to explode yet.

during my second chauffer round this morning, i ventured into the nearest petrol station, only to realise that i have forgotten the pin number for the petrol card. i know you are listening up there. i think i have enough for today, thank you. i tried a couple of number combinations that were floating around in that grey space but as my luck will have it today, it was rejected. rolling my eyes, sighing as loud as i possibly can, i fished out some cold hard cash to put enough petrol so that the car will behave - for today, at least. i had to go back for my receipt, which i forgot due to the present condition of my mind. if the man behind the glass window had uttered a single remark of discontent, there would have been a massacre there and then! luckily some people know when to keep their mouth shut.

scooting my son off to school, i made a quick detour to the nearest shopping centre to pick up some stuffs. yes, yes. it was written in my destiny today. for some quirky reasons, the road to the shopping centre, and no where else, was jammed pack with cars, crawling mind you, not even moving. by the time the car was able to reach the shopping centre, i had 30 mins before i had to hop on again and take my son home from school! what day is it today anyway?! black thursday the 16th?!

fast forward 3 hours later (thank goodness my house did not collapse during that time or my car explode!) and it's time to pick up daughter again. this time, i realise that my touch-n-go (toll reload card) was bankrupt and i had no other choice but to join the very long queue to refill the card as i pass the toll. just when i was pressing for time, someone must have heard my prayers and decided to amuse themselve at my expense.

i'm barely holding it together at the moment. any possible thing may trigger an explosion of frustration that i have been trying so hard to contain today. i sighed and i sighed. when will this day end?

all things magical

for those of you thinking of coming in here and tempting me with talks about food again, be warned! food deprivation has transformed me into a raving dangerous lunatic. step on the topic at the risk of your own life!

i am attempting to post a new entry here but the lack of sustenance and nutrients to my brain may make all efforts seem incoherent. nevertheless, try to follow along and pretend you understand what i am talking about.

it's so difficult to be a good mother to children nowadays, especially when they are so clever and intuitive. i like my children to believe in magic, tooth-fairy, santa claus and all that hogwash. it's delusion and manipulation at its best but i feel that it's a happier childhood. to be able to believe that good things do come true and that there is a little magic in the world; it's like looking at the world with rose-tinted glasses - so dreamy and beautiful. therefore, whilst i still can, i will like to preserve the image of a beautiful world for them.

so, my children grew up believing that the toothfairy will pay them money for their teeth, and they look forward to christmas when santa will bring them an extra present, if they are good. even when forgetful ms. toothfairy forgot to collect the tooth under the pillow one time, my daughter held on strong to her faith.

that was then. she's 7 now and the cynical side of her is growing, displacing the innocence. after numerous tooth-falling and cashing in on tooth fairy's deal, she came to me one day with "mummy, tell me the thruth, is tooth fairy real?". being cornered like that, i couldn't lie to her straight in the face. so, i told her what every other mother in my situation would, "go ask your father". men, being men, will never have qualm about breaking a child's bubble. with his answer, my daughter now knows that it is her parents who have been sneaking into her room at night and replacing the tooth with a note. she has been harboring a suspicion for some time now so i guess it is hardly shocking news to her. looking at her cherubic face, i couldn't tell if she was disappointed with the answer.

from now on, there will be nothing magical about dropping a tooth. sigh! i am disappointed. i don't want to let go of my illusions just yet. give me back the tooth fairy! well, at least the 5yo doesn't know about the conspiracy yet, so he'll still look forward to exchanging his milk teeth for cold hard cash.

the 7 yo hasn't ask for the thruth about santa claus yet. if she's a clever little girl, she'll know that she better keep her mouth shut, unless she is ready to give up that extra present.

dying with a 't'

i’m going to die, with a t!

lately i have been putting on too many pounds, too quickly. initially, when the numbers on the scale started inching higher i gave it a little leaway. nah, it’s just water retention. a little extra weight won’t hurt. it’ll come down in no time, don’t you worry your pretty little head over it. however, when the numbers kept going up, like my age, it’s now time to declare war – on my fats. hey, it’s definitely not muscle that i’m packing in!

today is the first day of my diet! my body is extremely intuitive. mention the word diet, and it screams that it is hungry, even if you have just sat down for a wonderful three-course meal. this nice blogger has already turned into a snarling growling vicious hungry little lady. sob! at 10.30 this morning, i have resorted to eating my lunch. at 1pm, i needed something more; a post-lunch lunch. and now, at 4:00pm, i don’t have any energy left to punch the keyboards. is it time for dinner yet?

why is it that you gain 1kilogram from a 500 grams cheeseburger? where does the weight come from?!! why doesn’t it work like a piggy bank; how much you put in is how much you get? all those complicated calorie counts and carbohydrate theories! it doesn’t make sense! it’s illogical. if you add 100 grams to a box that weighs 10g, it will now be 110gms, right? there’s no calorie or metabolism crap. if my theory was true, everybody will be eating candy floss!! yummmmmy!

shit! this is no way to start a diet – with more talk of food! over the weekend, i have pre-cooked and pre-planned my meals for the week. they are all sitting nicely in my lock-n-lock boxes in the freezer, ready in the press of a button. sounds like wonderful planning, doesn't it? well, there is one huge flaw in all that..and it seems like it's going to be the downfall of my diet. i underestimated the portion size!! darn! two chicken wings for lunch?! bah, i can eat the whole chicken!!wait a minute! i keep coming back to the topic of food!

i need something to channel all my energy into. excuse me while i flip through my magazines (and slash those pictures of super-thin sexy models with my cutter.)

slow dance

a friend sent me this.....

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask

How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done!

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down. D

on't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

this poem was written by a young girl stricken with terminal cancer and a limited extension to her life. the words are beautiful, the message strong. what jars me the most is how relevant it is to my life right now, as if the words are written for my eyes. this came as one of those chain-letter mail and being the cynic that i have always been, i take the story with an ounce of salt. however, the thruth in the story is irrelevant here, perhaps most important is the gentle reminder for me to slow down.

this year has been most troublesome for me, as some of you know. i have lost something very dear and irreplaceable, something that i never knew mean so much to me, something that i never appreciated before it was gone. the regret. the sadness. the frustration. the anger. the hopelessness. a multitude of feelings that i have never had to experience. you will never be able to truly grasp my feeling unless you have gone through it personally.

without knowing, the scarring experience has subconsciously pushed me to live everyday harder; to play harder, to work harder and to live life a little harder. deep down there is this nagging feeling that i may be skimming over life, but it is so hard to resist this natural tendency. it's hard to slow down once the wagon has started.

i am guilty of all the things she said. i cannot remember the countless times i've told my kids 'we'll do it tomorrow', only to forget about it. running through next day's schedule just as i am retiring for the night seems like second nature to me now and the last time i remember sitting idly watching kids play was more than a decade back. i always seem to be rushing through today's event in anticipation of tomorrow's.

let this be my wake-up alarm for today.

let this remind me to slow down and enjoy life as it pass.

that b****

blogging is for people with lots of free time on their hand; time to deliberate on issues and come up with inspiring and touching stories. at the very least, eloquent and well-presented tales. it's definitely not for desperate 'not-quite-the-housewife' type of housewife like me, juggling countless things on my tentacles.

i dream of finding the time to sit in a nearby cafe, sipping hot steamy aromatic coffee whilst i take a walk inside my mind and ponder on my thoughts, clicking on the keys as i go along. what luxury! as it is, my ideas and thoughts die a natural death in their womb that is my brain, even before they are fully formed. cause of death: incessant chatter of children whining for attention.

there is this girl that i know whom i absolutely detest. if it is not for her, i will probably be lounging at the pool, with a tall glass of ice tea in my hand, basking in the hot sun. or i could be in the north pole, going after my dream of seeing the aurora borealis.

instead, she sends me here and there, running on my feet like a dog. even when i am typing out this post, she orders me to the kitchen to multi-task a soup somewhere between these lines. she is quite the demanding freak, like melinda priestly in devils wear prada. nothing is ever good enough, nothing is ever right. sigh!

when someone is in need of hospital attention, that b**** volunteers my attention. sheesh! it's easy for her to say! all it takes is a few words from her golden mouth and i'll be tired to the bones, running around to handle the errands. for once, i sure will like to see her handle it all by herself, instead of plain talk.

during school holidays, which is around the corner again, she dreams of countless activities for the kids and guess who is the poor 'dahling' that has to execute them? i will like to 'execute' her! she is probably the creation of the devil, to keep me on my toes.

if at any point in time i fail to deliver, you can bet that i will sure get hell from her. the never-ending guilt trips, the sarcasm and the 'elbow in your ribs' remark. i am only but one person, cool it, will you?

anybody knows how to drown a CONSCIENCE?

hello, people?! this is the key word! you don't read this, you won't understand the entire post!! it's my conscience, get it?

and this little pig ran all the way home

this is a screw.

no, it's not the real thing.

it's just a picture of a screw.

the definition of a screw is a shaft with a helical groove or thread formed on its surface. Its main uses are as a threaded fastener used to hold objects together, and as a simple machine used to translate into linear force. It can also be defined as an inclined plane wrapped around a shaft (a word of thanks to the contribution of wikipedia. those who were thinking of a more warped translation, please enroll yourself in a brain-purifying course.)

so, when you see a screw here, it means that it is loose.

there is something, somewhere with a hole in it that doesn't have a screw to hold the things in place.

comprende?

the fact is....this little ms piggy has a screw loose in her brain today.







oink! oink!

what happened to cinderella?

ever wondered what happened to cinderella after the 'happily ever after'?

the continuation of the story.....

cinderella and prince charming moved into the castle and started their marriage shortly after the beautiful wedding. alas! who was to know that shortly after, a financial crisis loomed and the royal family was thrown out of the palace by a coup. the dashing prince charming was forced to look for work, like any other commoner on the streets. they were poor, but they were in love and they still had each other.

for years and years, they struggled and worked their fingers to the bone to provide a comfortable life for themselves and their five children. cinderella, who had been through a rough life before she became a princess, was used to the hard life and so she continued to persevere, balancing housekeeping with any work that she can find, to earn that extra dime.

prince charming, on the other hand, who was used to all the luxuries in the palace, worked very hard to provide a living too... initially. however, as days passed, the grime of everyday living and the unrewarding efforts disillusioned him. very soon, he turned to wine and gambling, which to his royal form spelt certain doom and so it was that he met his maker shortly before he turned 40.

poor cinderella. she was left all alone to bring up her 5 children. as good as they all were, it was exhausting for a woman to handle. still, she toiled and she hung on.

fast forward to 40 years later....her children are all grown up. there was a lawyer, a teacher, a businessman, all very successful in their lives. finally, all the sacrifices that she had to make have not gone wasted. she was very proud of each and every of them. cinderella is now an old shaky woman, contented to reap the rewards of her toils. unfortunately, as luck will have it, cinderella met with an accident. not one serious enough to claim her life, she should be so lucky, but enough to make her lose the use of her limbs. poor thing!

not to worry, it's time for her to wind down, relax and enjoy the love of her children anyway, i hear you say. it's time that they repay her love and the gratitude of bringing them up. sigh! cinderella has had a very hard life but unfortunately, it doesn't end there.

the lawyer took her in and nursed her back to health. however, the minute that she turned to be naggy and whiny, he gave her the boot! it didn't make a difference to him that all old people are naggy and whiny, he has forgotten all her sacrifices in the blink of an eye. the teacher, upon hearing that the old lady was kicked out of the house, quickly locked his house and drew all the curtains, pretending that his entire family has gone away for an extended holiday. the businessman didn't mind taking her in, after all, he has hundreds of empty rooms and thousands of servants. unfortunately, a quick check with his feng shui master confirmed that cinderella's signs clashed with him and there was a major dark star in her horoscope, spelling certain doom for her in the near future. no, no! death is not good for the family feng shui. so, instead of taking her in her most crucial time of need, he turned a deaf ear too. another son didn't even bother to ask about her condition from the onstart, much less offer his assistance now. the last, but not the youngest, balked at the idea of spending more money on that old lady. after all, she already has one leg in the grave.

what is poor cinderella to do? with a broken heart, she travelled by her loneself to her old dilapidated shack where she spend the rest of her days.

is it me or is there something wrong with this story?

how did you know if you have married the right person?

i borrowed this title from immomsdaughter, or something to that effect.

i have ten reasons (let's hope i do, i haven't start counting them yet. i'm squeezing the brain cells as we go along) why i know i married the right man:

1. he gives me the very last piece of that juicy bite, if i practice the 'poor hungry saliva-drooping' look jussssst right.

2. he walks 10 miles to do an errand for me so that i don't have to move one step. when i'm too tired to pick-up after the kids, he will (provided there is no other soul around). he knows i'm lazy and he takes it as part and parcel of this wonderful package :-)

3. he not only loves me but he loves my immediate family members too. not one of those fake 'uh huh, i like you too' kind of thing.....unless he is a damn good actor, but i think he really cares about them.....hmmm, well, maybe some of them!

4. he will fight to do the things that he thinks i don't want to do; like driving. or maybe he just can't stand my driving skills......!!!

5. he will prepare breakfast for me....if he doesn't sense any initiative on my part that morning. if i look like i'm up on my toes and moving about in the kitchen, then he'll plod back on his bum and read the newspaper :-) what a good team we are!

6. he has no qualms about spending money on me! and i have no objection to him reaching for his wallet to pay for all my meals. :-D

7. when questioned with 'if your mother and i fall into the sea together, who will you rescue?', he replies my mother, of course. what do you think i am? crazy? i can never love anyone who will give up their old mother for a young and able-bodied wife!

8. okay, i'm racking my brains a little. hmmm....he makes me laugh. the first thing that attracted me and one of the things i appreciate in him. what's life without laughter?

9. when i feel unwell, he takes care of the kids and keep them out of my hair. for a few hours at least, until he sense that i have enough rest...then he'll lower the drawbridge and let the vikings in again.

10. finally. he was and will always be by my side. through thick and thin. through good and bad. through happiness and sadness. through....you get the idea.

previous years, it was all about what he should get me to mark that special occasion. i'll name the thing, or he would venture an adventurous and often not very intuitive guess, and i'll get whatever it was. however, looking back, the gifts didn't bring me a sense of fulfilment or elation.

we spent the whole of yesterday a lot like any other weekend. a little sports in the morning, shopping and movie in the afternoon and roaming around a carnival in the evening. it was no different, yet i felt contented. i feel lucky to be able to spend just another simple day with the people i love and i look forward to the many more to come. corny, huh?

happy anniversary, my dear.

ever wonder?

ever wonder ............


.....if the blog background that you choose reflects on your personality?

i've taken a test long long ago about which toilet cubicles we choose to occupy reflect subconsciously on our character. don't ask me which is what though as the wind has blown that one out of my mind. since it applied to the toilet cubicles, i'm sure our choice for the blog background will also reflect something about us. the question is what? (by the way, those are circles in my background, not nuts, ok?) perhaps in ah pek's case, it shows that he is adventurous and has somewhat of a problem with his rear end being itchy?

.....why men have nipples?

this one i know as i have bought the book! since men don't breastfeed i guess their nipples are redundant and according to the law of evolution, it should slowly shrink and disappear! pretty much like the tail, i suppose. watch out, men! hold on tight to those nipples of yours!

....what is sand made of?

sigh! i don't know the answer to this one and i needed to...because the children were asking...and i couldn't answer. i actually looked it up...but as usual, the wind came and took it all away from my mind.

....why delicious and scrumptious food are always unhealthy for our body?

vice versa, those that are extremely good taste yucky. like tofu for instance. in its' purest white form, it taste bland and boring, which is good for your health. you can deep-fry it to make it taste better, but that much oil is not good. no no. ice-cream is fattening and clog atteries, coffee is too stimulating and a thick juicy steak may be deadly! is god trying to tell us something? that we shouldn't be enjoying ourselves so much, perhaps?

....why the yong chau fried rice in yong chau doesn't taste like ours?

or so i have been told. and singapore fried bee hoon isn't quite the same over there. neither does a whole list of other dishes that bear a place's name but which doesn't quite taste the same there. even worse, they don't even have that dish there!

....what goes on in my head to come up with all these crappy questions?

if you lean real close and put your ear beside my head, you will hear a whoosh whoosh sound inside. the sound of air circulating in the empty cranial hemisphere. knock! knock! sorry, nobody's home.

enough questions! i am racking my head too damn hard to come up with all these questions.

have a good weekend.

of death and dying

death is and will always be a morbid topic but what better time than straight after halloween to bring up a topic like that.

everybody is afraid of death. those that say they aren’t are merely putting up a brave front. it is scary….to face the inevitable, the point of no turning back. i guess what is most frightening about it is the fact we don’t know with certainty anything about the beyond. i read somewhere that life is calm, death is peaceful but it is the transition in between that is most upsetting. so true.

from since i was a wee girl, not older than any double digit figure, i remember being afraid of dying. not so much of myself passing on, since i still had a long journey to go back then, but more of my nearest and dearest leaving me all alone in this world. i would cross my fingers before i sleep and wish for eternal life, for me and everybody else around.

having children have had a great impact on these fears. without realization, i no longer deliberate so much on this phobia as i derive an unspeakable satisfaction from watching them grow, day by day. the fear of leaving everything behind for that bright light that comes down from the sky is not as great as my days, and nights, are filled to the brim. almost like i don’t need to look back or regret as i have done all that i should be doing. of course, there are bound to be bad days where i have a relapse and fall back to the old sickness of petrifying fear but they come and go quickly and are seldom and rare in between now.

recently, however, my 7 year old was crying one night, after she turned and tossed and found herself unable to sleep. i had no idea what was troubling her until she said, ‘mummy, i don’t want you to die’.

it is most sobering when a child says that. she has always been told of the reality of death and has even looked death in the face when her great-grandmother passed away many years ago. she took it all in good stride then and i had no reason to suspect otherwise. i was most wary when i recently realize that most movies or tv programmes touch on the topic of death. there is always somebody dying! either by suicide, killed by some goons or by some kind of sickness. it is quite jarring to keep explaining to your child the reasons why so and so’s character has been cut short. a strong desire rise up to simply state that the producer was simply too cheap to pay the actor for a couple more shots, which in long chinese serials are sometimes the case.

i worry about her, such a precocious little mind on such a small body. how i wish i can take away her uneasiness and her fear. but how can i when death is something that we cannot predict and is as certain as taxes?

then i remember i was also once like that and i think it’s just a normal part of growing up.

all about having fun

i know, i know.

most malaysians do not celebrate halloween. it's neither part of our custom nor tradition. however, when do we need custom to have fun?

yesterday night was all about that - having fun. who cares what the occasion marks or what it is suppose to represent. to this big kid, it was just another excuse to dress up, let my hair down and go crazy a little. true, i could have let the kids dress up in their halloween costumes and just act the part of chaperon, but where is my share of the fun? what is the point of life if we don't have fun along the way?

the place was right.

the time was right.

we had little spiders, firemen, witches, ghosts, draculas.....anything that rocks your imagination. one mother came in her bathrobe, complete with the towel around her hair! it was a hoot!

the children ran from door to door, ringing on bells for their treats. watching them light up with excitement and happiness, i was grateful to be a part of it - the energy, the silliness, the variation from our daily routine.

i have been celebrating halloween for many years now, from the days when the neighbourhood has yet to hear of such a celebration locally, to now, where it's rampant in most expatriate housing areas. all i had to do .....was gate-crash :-)

for those of you logging in here to catch a glimpse of how i look like.... here. the close-up wasn't satisfactory, blame it on the photographer, so i can't share it with you

how often do you get supergirl, cleopatra, queen amidala and the local neighbourhood ghost posing together for a photo?

i'm all ready for the onslaught of all those 'ghost face' comments you guys were saving your bullets for. hey, you were the one who gave me the idea for my costume!

sick tales from a sick person

we have a winner!

poohbearee managed to beat all the contestants hands down with her simple "the netherlands ?" *grumble grumble*, putting a very abrupt stop to my travel quiz game *grrrrr*. my 2nd post entitled "more hints" have been shelved indefinitely due to some unforeseen circumstances *mumble mumble* (pssst, poochie, nobody was suppose to win at such quiz contests)

to reward her intellect, i have decided to turn her upright, so that the blood will stop gushing to her brain. ohhhhhhhh..... that's why she is such a clever little girl!
yes, poochie, that's your prize for this round.

waitaminit! who is that shouting "cheapskate" from the back there? *engaging shotgun* okay, okay. *rolls eyes and then rummaging in luggage filled with smelly unwashed laundries* our first prize winner deserves a better recognition. poochie, your reward for such brilliance will be a clog-shaped fridge magnet, imported all the way from amsterdam, air-flown in economy class and wrapped with delicate care for protection (read: wedged between smelly clothes). i'll hold your prize until we have a chance to meet or it disintegrates into cheap dust, whichever comes first. you know how fragile those things can be, probably made from china too.

despite the obvious mood-killer, i'll be showing you the rest of the photos, with more obvious hints to where i have been. the pancake, mind you, was muchhhh bigger than my face. and it was delicious, with a capital 'd'.



i learnt a little about the history of the place; how the dams came about, how it progressed over the years and a little about anne frank, the poor holocaust victim whose diaries were made popular to bring attention to the horror imposed on the jews during the nazi period. i witnessed the actual working of a windmill and tasted some horribly yucky goat cheese. i learnt the fine skill of artfully dodging bicycles coming from all directions while keeping another eye out for trams, motorcycles and cars. lastly, i mastered the method of drying my jeans in the toilet hand-blower after a huge rain soaked me from head to toe and caused me to run around with damp jeans for the rest of the day.

it was a beautiful trip.

one not too pleasant part though. you know all that crap about listening to your body when you eat? let your mind tell you when you are full and you'll stop eating? the best way to a trim and fit shape? it's crap, ok?

my two best friends, m and b (for people with no idea who i am talking about, please refer back to my previous post) had a big fallout during my trip. m says enough, infact was shouting until her throat was all hoarse and painful. b, on the other hand, was having the time of her life, gulping down all those fine food. sheesh! m said "eat one more bite and you'll puke, my dear ". b whined "just one more, please. pretty please? i have to try that raw herring. and that fries dipped in mayonnaise, what is that all about? i can't come all this way and not try it?" m said "let's continue walking to that palace. i want to see those beautiful decoration" which b immediately replied with "are you crazy? we've been walking the whole day? why don't you try it yourself? i want to sit down in this cafe here and have a cup of hot tea, you can walk all your want". if you hear the two at it, you'll understand why i have distanced myself from them. crazy loonies!

enough about that. i am very excited today. despite the foggy brain, the blocked nose, the scratchy throat and the blurry intellect...oh sorry, the last one is a predetermined condition. today is my day!! whoppee! yipee!

today is halloween! the day when i get to come out as i am, ghost face and all!

i'll be going trick or treating when the night falls. okay, okay, i'm a little too old to be going around begging for sweets. thruth be told, my main purpose tonight is to go around scaring all the adults and children out of their wits! i had a little dress rehearsal yesterday afternoon, and i had to send my little tyke in to warn my mum before i made an appearance. yes, i thought i was pretty scary, especially if i was standing still by the roadside on a dark quiet night.

look out for pictures tomorrow.

pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?

i'm back.

yes, that is pretty obvious, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.

i brought back souveniers, dear readers, to compensate for the irreparable damage my absence has done to your soul. bags after bagfuls of ........germs. millions and zillions of microscopic bacteria. cough! cough! krekkkkkk....choo. anyone want some?

ok, i've done it again. i fell sick during my undercover mission. i always do. that's why it sucks so much. i'm so sick of sneezing, wheezing and coughing when i should be relaxing and enjoying. i hate feeling groggy, like having a water balloon sloshing around in my head, when i should be all perky and excited. most of all, i want my taste buds back!

i guess this is what happens to people who others deemed are fortunate enough to go for undercover missions. whoever it was who has been doing voodoo on me because of their envy, you can quit right now, ok? i'm back and i'm miserable now.

still, i'll live.. *wipes snort on sleeves* ...to tell the tales of my travel.

the country was amazing. it was an 'eenie meenie miny moe' pick but looking back, i think it was a wonderful choice. i've never thought much about this place, as everybody knows it by what it is famous for (which i shall keep silent about for the moment so as not to spoil the quiz question at the end), and to most, that seems to be all there is to it.

that was far from the thruth, as my visit there opened my eyes to its beautiful architecture, the historical facade of their buildings and the stories that lie within. even the ambience of the place was enough to knock me off my feet. it just felt so good to be there, in the presence of true beauty, both inner and skin-deep.

i was told, by my research papers measuring inches thick, that the people there are most attractive. i'm not one for people-watching, or rather face-watching, but once i turned my attention to the citizens there, going about their daily routine, it surprised me that i was looking at dropdead gorgeous people every other step of my way. can you imagine bumping into tom cruise, minus the height imperfection, or alicia silverstone everywhere you go?

ok, these two weren't the best samples i've seen but i had to be discreet or risk spending a night in the local jailhouse, holding a toddy for warmth, or worse the resident butch sex-offender for company.

all in all, it was a beautiful trip, save for this irritating cold.

so, my dear friends, where did i go?

in anticipation

the bags are waiting in the hallway. everything is ready to roll on the word 'go'. the travel books and thick research papers are all packed and within hand-reach and the emergency medical bag is stocked up for unforeseen circumstances.

the place will be alien to us. the people, the language and the culture will be foreign. i will no longer be able to hide behind my comfortable routine and will be forced to face new adventures every minute of the day. whilst it is both scary and exciting, what i look forward to the most is breaking free from all the constraints of schedules.

i will no longer have to look at the watch to know if it is time for lunch. my growling stomach will remind me. i do not need the ticking clock to tell me if it is time to head for my next destination. i will move on when i have absorbed all the pleasure each place offers. i do not need to know when it is time to sleep or wake up. my body will be the indicator.

i can stop and look at the beautiful flowers as the gentle breeze carries its sweet fragrance to me. i can sit at leisure and watch the people walk by, without having to bother about rushing to meet my next appointment. i can walk slowly along the streets and admire the magnificent architecture, which is rich with its history. i can enjoy each mouthful and savour its taste.

i can be me.

you should be so lucky!

before i start today's post, i just need to say this...some of you may have realised that i have been seriously lacking behind in commenting on your posts lately. i always seem to be late.

sigh! in the morning, i have to juggle my never-ending work and bring you the latest updates in my blog. in the afternoon, i am stuck with a non-existent internet connection, which makes logging in hardly worthwhile. in this day and age, who else in this entire blogosphere logs in at a mere 4800kbps, hands up please? snail mail is faster, believe me! if i didn't manage to sneak into your blog before the bewitching clock strikes 12, i have to wait until the next day again. i'm cinderella-of-the-blogosphere. often times, i do crawllllllll in when i have some time to spare but the connection makes commenting in your post seem like a mountainous task. until i have a decent lifeline to the world wide web again, please bear with me.

on with today's post....

i have a butt fettish. i like butts and when i see them i like to pat, pinch and bite them. grrrrrrrr! however, i am most picky about my choice of butts. it's not the size that matters nor the shape. round ones, shapely ones, perky ones, i don't give them a second glance.

it's not the sex of the owner either. i don't quite mind if it's a he or a she. rather, my criteria is based on person whose butt is attached. you should be so lucky if your choice of butt is of my liking, for i am most choosy. i don't go for any tom, dick and harry's behind. if i like your butt, it means i love you :-) so, you should be thanking your lucky stars if i pinch your butt! ha! my teeth are itchy again! grrrr...!

bet you didn't think i will post that here, did you? wakakakaka. to more serious stuff....

i'm running away again. i've accepted another undercover mission and will be missing for the entire next week. i know my faithful readers will find this period hard to pass (barf bag anyone?) but for my sake, bear with it for a little while, ok? i understand; life will seem meaningless, the sun will shine less brightly (hey, that's the haze's problem, not mine, ok?) and the days will pass slower.....but i will be back, i promise.

i'll bring photos of this country i'm infiltrating and bagfuls of fresh air as souveniers.

in the meantime, hold your breath until i'm back!

Gallantry? What's that?

there seems to be a recent epidemic going around. infact, almost all of my readers have been inflicted with this deadly disease, CAMEL (Curiosity About M E’s Looks), which is quite worrisome actually. i am not too definite about the how, why, where and when but i know that there is no known cure. all i can recommend is to take 2 panadol, take lots of rest and fluids and don’t call me in the morning.

this affliction is rather strange actually, since i am no sweet young thing, bobbing and popping away. hello? this is a 35 year-old non-anti-gravity mother-to-2-kids we are talking about. are you expecting a teri hatcher housewife lookalike perhaps? there is nobody perky and bouncy staying here, sorry, you have the wrong door. so, stop being fixated about the way i look and concentrate on the words here. otherwise i will not be showing you my halloween costume. :-p

back to today's topic.

gallantry is dead. i tell you, gallantry is dead!

today started out with a male versus female 'see who can show up the latest' meeting with friends. as usual, i lost by a small margin, no thanks to my watch, which keeps giving me the correct time no matter how much i adjust it. the male sex does not seem to have any misgivings about keeping the ladies waiting nowadays. yes, i know of a blogger who can testify to that! what happened to the days when men should turn up before the ladies, if only so that she won't be all alone in a strange place? gone. the answer is it's gone with the times.

i'm old fashioned perhaps? however, i have not been trained in the art of self-defence and have no confidence that i can outrun the baddies, so it will be nice to see a familiar face around. especially since i was carrying a big box laden with 10 heavy bottles today. which brings me to my second proof of the death of chivalry.

today i was faced with the task of carrying that load two stories up and the darn lift and escalator chose the perfect timing to stop operating. as it was, the load itself was a challenge to my dainty ...*ahem* built but to carry it up, teethering on my heels, up the stupid escalator steps? i freaked out in the middle of the first flight. incase you have forgotten, i am altophobic and yes, i get crazy when i travel up the escalator without holding on to the hand-rail. both hands holding on to that heavy box, i was of course not accorded the comfort of that security. step by step, as my legs shaked and i cursed under my breath, i made my way up. i was so tempted to stop half-way, take out my heels and walk up the steps barefooted. that alone would have been a big enough challenge for me. sigh! why must things that are so easy and simple to others be so hard for freakish me?

as i said, after the first flight, i lost my grip on sanity. there is no way i will do a repeat for the second flight, no matter how much anybody pays me. i rather sit on the nearest stool until rescue comes in the shape of habitually late friends or i rot to death first. so, i planted my bottom on the nearest chair and sat there like an idiot whilst everybody walked by.

not long later, i spotted a security guard...who looked pretty able-bodied to me. not mr muscles, mind you, but i am sure he can manage a tinyyyy box like that up one flight of stairs. so, with my super powers of attraction, i tried to mesmerise the guard into helping me carry that box. of course it cannot be an outright request, you understand; i must make the idea seemed like it came from him.

me: hello, when will the escalator start moving?

guard: soon.

me: ohhhhhhh. this box is tooooo heavy for me to carry upstairs. *pouting slightly*

guard: *smiles and walk off*

me: !!!!!!!!!!!

this guy must be really dense, otherwise my charisma must be on leave today. so, this idiot sat there, whilst more strangers gawked as they walked by, until the escalator was switched back on. infact, one nosy man actually walked closer to sneak a peek as to the contents of the box. sheesh! chivalry 0, nosy busybodies 1.

i tell you, gallantry is dead!

the uncoding of ME

this post is dedicated to jonzz and annie, and to the rest who have been wondering about my avatar but have been to shy to ask, for fear of looking like a fool. kudos to the two who didn't mind being stuck with such a label. *grins*


this morning i felt a chill when i woke up, as if someone has been walking on my grave.

as i surfed the net, i understood the reason for this unsettling feeling. someone has been messing with my picture. you know, the one in the avatar. it's as if someone is doing voodoo on me, or should it be ME, complete with pins and needles. only this time, it's complete with paints, fake housewife hair-dos and imaginary stilletos. i'm flattered, to say the least. mummyyyyyyy! i am famous now!!!!!!!! anybody wants my signature?

apparently, jonzz has lots of free time on his hand and he has come up with interesting versions of the morning innocent and demure ME and the night rocking and jiving (only, it doesn't quite have the happening look, more like a forsaken house-wifey look) ME. not to be beaten, the rather blur annie has also pasted my avatar all over her site. thanks for the attention guys, but first, you have to grasp the correct idea. i'm no stunted-dwarfed-cartoon-character. i may be bald, neckless and fingerless, but i think i'm fairly well-proportioned.

annie sees me in stilletto heels. i know we come from different parts of the world but i honestly cannot see any stilletto in the picture, no matter how many times i turn the picture 360 degrees round and round. i can only imagine the supposed stillettoes are the pointy ends but why does it start from my chin? that's american education for you, teaching one to think out of the box. i probably should register for an art appreciation course in harvard right away.

jonzz, you are as bad. levi's all the way to the head? and sharp pointy ends as legs? you people are making me confused about my own avatar.

ok, before someone starts drawing me tatoos and punk hair-styles, let me give you an enhanced drawing, to show you which is where.

better? i have a sneaky feeling that annie has long grasped the concept of my picture but persists in pulling my leg. which is fine really because i have such short stubby ones. any assistance in that department will be greatly appreciated.

i don't think there will be anybody left in this whole wide blogosphere who still cannot comprehend my avatar. however.......annie's is rather blur, or so she claims, and i do have my reservations.

so, for annie............

this is what ME was doing in the avatar. see? no stillettoes, ok?

sheesh!