anyway, my feet are firmly on the ground today and you get some semblance of a normal blogger. so, on with the story. as some of you know, my maternal grandmother is presently staying with my family and is recuperating from a broken femur. for those who regards this piece of information as totally alien, you have not been paying attention or you have plenty of catching up to do *holding up yellow card*.
well, horrid as it is to say, i consider her misfortune as a lucky twist in fate for everybody. my maternal grandmother has been staying in her hometown all her life and the most that i have seen of her is from her rare and short visits. most of her children and grandchildren have since moved to the city and i can imagine that she misses them very much. so, in what is probably my selfish eyes, i saw this as the chance for everybody to be a little closer, and for the love to blossom a little. hard fact be told, my grandma is in her 80s and i just don't see many such opportunities coming up again.
three months down the road, i am a little disappointed to learn that i am the only one feeling this way. from an active person, she has been reduced to a house and wheelchair-bound old lady, with no one and nothing to turn to for entertainment. she waits wistfully for her own children and grandchildren to visit but i don't see that happening too often. granted, she has our company but there is only so much time we can be there for her. and i believe that we are unable to replace their places in her heart.
when they come, they are so distracted that they usually nod their head absently in agreement, whilst their ears are perking in a different direction. they murmur half-heartedly in acknowledgement to her stories. she waits and waits....... for all these? she anxiously anticipates their arrival and when they finally come, they bring their empty souls.
sigh! looking at her, i understand how it is to be old. it is not her fault that she is no longer entertaining and funny. it is not her choice that she is not happening and have lost the appeal to bring in the crowds. it is so cruel that they have forgotten all the love and time she had invested in them.
when i look at her, i imagine myself growing old. i understand that i cannot stop the process of time but i hope i never have to be so reliant on another. for hope, for happiness and for love. i cannot imagine what i will be doing when i am 80, but i hope i will not have to spend each day waiting for someone to give me a little bit of their time.
14 comments:
Don't 'mang chang' lah, go drink more cooling drinks! :)
Growing old.. here is a pessimistic view from Alphaville
"Let us die young or let us live forever
We dont have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The musics for the sad men"
hey you are not supposed to feel this way until you are pass 40. go back go back..
dear lm: no need liao. i'm already back from the dark side :-) dying young sounds like such a pity. i used to wish i will live forever when i was little, now i know it's a curse. do whatever we have to do and let's be on our way. dying is not scary, it's the people we leave behind that have to bear all the pain.
dear ff: *walking backwards thru the tunnel of time* :-p heehee
being with company seems to be important for old people. seems like towards the twilight years, old people want to try to reach out to as many other people as possible. I recollect my grandma taking daily walks, and exchanging pleasantries with neighbours. Contrast that with younger folks like us, who would rather remain behind closed doors.
yeaaa.... i hate to visualise me self at 80 oso. that's why i always wished that when my time comes, i'll just cluth my chest and fall over.
sigh, when i'm that old, senile, useless and troublesome, i think i prefer to hire nurses to take care of me instead of troubling my lot. dats y have to stock up the bank account while still capable.
go and watch "perhaps, love". there is some explanation in the movie about movie mimicking life. your g-ma had treated her kids like the leads actressess/actors during her life time. Now all had grown up and had their shows to run. they probably had forgetten a bit about the sacrifice your gma had made in her life to accomodate them in her "movie". It is curtain call for gma now and it is sad.
well, it is the fate of all has beens and thats is why oscar honour past actressess/actors.
well, at least she still has one faithful & loyal protege in you.
i feel the same way about my mum too. but i a bit lucky as she can still play majong and got her friends to chat w her on the fone.
sorry for this cheung hei comment.
80? I can't even visualise 40 yet... don't think too much about growing old, think more of living your current days to the fullest!
dear lm: yah, i guess they just feel that they don't have much time left to be in touch with their loved ones. it's just a pity that their loved ones don't realise that too.
dear ah pek: i hear that from many men. but regardless of how you die, most of the time you won't suffer too much. you'll be too sick or delirious to know. it's the people you leave behind that has to bear with the pain everyday.
dear sooi2: very wise....but perhaps a little sad?
dear fei: i have been meaning to watch that movie. i think i will love it very much, since i absolutely loved jackie's 'snow.wolf.lake'. but don't you think that it's so sad that after 80years of living, she only has this one person who thinks of her whilst she is still living? kinda makes you wonder what's the point of life.
dear may: hahahahaha. you are soooo far away. don't forget. 40 is just another 5 years away from me and by the way my daughter is growing, it's the blink of an eye.
Puts most of us in shame... I guess we need to be constantly reminded then...
eheheh, when i have lost consciousness of my surrounding, i doubt i wud be aware at all of the emotion called "sad". i imagine life at that stage... is just simply blank and a mere biological process of breathing, eating, excreting.
i think la ;)
dear ian: you know, the thing is....i don't think what inspired me to be there for her is love. thruth be told, we were never close. i think it's just that righteousness and the standing up for underdogs gene inside me that just won't go away. a little cold of me if you think about it, even if the end result is good.
dear sooi2: then, let's just say wise only then :-)
hei! look on the bright side!! gma probably think she is the luckiest person in the world to have at least one person in the world who really really care. that's you.
dont feel bad for anything. fate & karma, if you believe, will give everyone a fair deal. just that sometimes you dont sense it... thats all!!
dear fei: she prob doesn't feel that cos i'm not really that demonstrative either. i care deep down but it doesn't quite surface. prob with fate and karma is it deals with several life. you may get bad things going your way in this life but karma makes up for it the next life. but who cares about next life when basically you only live this life. complexing?
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