chicken legs, anybody?

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do you have a close friend who said the wrong thing but you just can't scream at him? or a girlfriend who didn't do something that she should have and it really pisses you off? can't quite get it out of your system? well, blog about it. blogging is the next best thing since diary has been invented. infact, it's better than the plain old paper and pen diary. you can have dozens of people with really helpful (*rolls eye to the sky* a little apple-polishing there) comments, at the touch of your hands. wowwwww! it helps to create a healthy and harmonious balance in your body and you can leave behind all the tension and stress. you never need to be sad again. blogging! have you got yours yet? *music fading into the distance*

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be rest assured, i am not rambling today. there is a topic in hand. a little patience is required though. it's post no. 98 now. for those who have been following closely, you must be getting very excited. for those in the blur, you'll know pretty soon, so never mind.

let's quickly move on to my topic for today; yet another post that was shelved with indefinite publication date will today find the light of day. hurrayyyyyy! i must be rapidly running out of things to talk about (which i seriously doubt since i can talk till the moon is blue in the face, just not necessarily so in the real world. i leave my talking to those crazy lunatics who are silly enough to keep coming back for large doses of boring materials lethal enough to deaden their brains. are you guys sadistic or what?) or i'm not quite in the mood. a friend once said to me that happy people have nothing interesting to write about. i am sure my readers will vehemently deny that (if they know what is good for them and seriously value their life. heyyyy, i know people from the dark side, if you know what i mean *wicked laugh*). once again, queen of digress has moved away from the point. let's jump right in with both legs.

chicken legs. or what the chinese termed as "foong chau". i consider it as a delicacy but some may consider it to be pretty disgusting. anyway, today's topic is of a different kind of chicken leg.

i look adoringly at women whose long slender legs stretch all the way to their neck. smooth.... fair.... flawless..... and way so sexy. i can only look on with admiration and envy for i have been genetically programmed never to own such a pair of beautiful legs. generations of our families have the distinguished wide hips and heavy thighs encoded into our DNAs. there is no escape. bring on the parents and lay the blame on them.

oooohh.....they will look great in pants or skirt; not to mention all those neck-craning looks they get when in mini-skirts. with legs that go on and on......who bothers to look at your other body parts. forget flat chest or stubby nose, people's vision will never have the chance to travel up so high before you have moved on.

i sympathise with my legs. deep down they want to break free - into a pair of shorts or a sexy bikini. to feel the cool breeze or the flapping of the winds. there are times when i can feel them rebelling against the thick jeans in the hot afternoon sun. i am sorry but all those cellulite jiggling is not a pretty sight. infact, i quite believe that there is a law prohibiting their indecent exposure.

i feel like a frankenstein of sorts, matching a thin zebra's upper torso with an elephant's lower anatomy. did someone make a mistake when creating me? there are ways to correct the blunder surgically.....but i am allergic to pain. i can always choose to be permanently seated...but that will seem pretty rude to people who have just joined the table. i do still have some options; unfortunately i am too involved in my passionate love affair with food to give it up in exchange for a skeleton's femur and god created an additional bone into my system when he made me; the lazy bone.

lately i have found a very good way of solving my problem, without the need for injection, starvation or medication. a miracle cure. all i have to do is to stand beside someone who is heavily overweight and hey presto! i am magically transformed. perception, that is the key answer to the question, people. and for that sole reason, i have got rid of all my skinny friends (yes, the people from the dark side are taking care of them, even as we speak) and is in the process of replacing them with sumo lookalikes. anyone with suitable qualifications, please forward your resume for my consideration.

thank you for your kind attention.