when i was in hong kong, a friend asked........."would you prefer to live in malaysia or hongkong, given that you will have your family with you wherever you go?"
the question took me by surprise, for it mirrors the one that i have been asking myself for the last decade. however, the thought have not crossed my mind for a long time now. i tried to form the words to express how i feel, to adequately convey my feelings on the matter but i failed miserably. for i am at a lost with regards to my own take on the same.
for many, hong kong is a vibrant land, full of energy and entertainment. most regard the people who resides there as uncouth and cold. i understand the rationale behind their impression but i also realise that most who form that opinion have only scratched the very surface of the society. how they justify their opinion from a 5-days stayover, visiting disneyland and oceanpark, i do not know. it hardly seems fair though. almost like saying malaysians are rude because we do not help pick up the things that clumsy people drop. it is too superficial. but then again, everybody is entitled to their opinion.
over the years, as a result of circumstance, i have made hong kong my second home and i know for a fact that the people there are far from rude. given the fact that hong kong is a highly competitive place and their citizens are always rushing from place to place without ever having enough hours in a day, i can understand the misconception. i, on the other hand, have received nothing but love and laughters from the people around me. even when i patronise the shops, i am greeted with lovely smiles and aiming-to-please attitudes. this is a very stark contrast to the salespeople here who are alternating between hounding customers or ignoring them, depending on their mood for that day.
i am digressing from the point of the story. it was not meant as a pro-hong kong campaign. before cocka complains of another long-winded entry, i shall move quickly to the gist of the story.
it used to be very clear to me which country i prefered. i loved hong kong for making me feel alive. i love the people for their quick-wit and love they lavish on me. despite the seasonal cold climate i felt the warmth that enveloped me. there was nothing much holding me back here, except for perhaps one person or two. i was here, but my heart was there.
now, however, i am unable to tell. too many years later, hong kong seems to have lost its appeal and the people are changing. or is it me? they are still them, as loving and giving as ever. hong kong is still vibrant and exciting. why have i changed?
that's life, i guess. you think you know what you want. you are sure of your goals and your likings. but when you are not paying attention, it changed. even without your realising it. it crept up stealthily behind you and grab the 'you' that you once knew and substituted with another person. one day, you wake up and ask yourself the same question. and you realise your answer is not the same anymore. you cannot justify your new emotions, nor can you pinpoint the exact moment that it changed. but you just know that you are not the same. i look back and realise that i am a different person than i was, say ten years ago. but if i was hard-pressed to say exactly what is different, i wouldn't even know what to say. it's not for the better. nor for the worse. just......different.
and so, i begin the journey to rediscover myself. to re-learn my likes and dislikes. to understand my feelings. with the correct questions from the correct people, i am learning a little more about myself.
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12 comments:
move to a 3rd country & see which home u miss more! problem solved!
dear wuching: aha. wise person. but i don't think i will miss any of the 2 countries. i have often dream of moving to someplace with a lakefront view....maybe. we'll never know what the future holds for us. until then, we try to live each and every day happily - wherever we are.
you converting to a new religion ah? if not why you only start learning about yourself now? what happened in the last 30 years? you in hibernation?
i thought you would have learned everything about yourself by now.
How come your love story same like mine wan?? You down here and he's over there etc.
OK, I'll give the HK peeps the benefit of a doubt. But, unless you're damn blardy rich, I cannot stand living in such small quarters. :-P But then, if, you're rich, it doesn't matter where u live, right? Everyone would be nice to you... lol
come to singapore lah
y'know, I've been wondering about the same thing, sometimes. I used to love Oz a lot, especially while I was studying there. now it has sorta lost its appeal to me, yet I still believe it's not all that bad lah. hmmmm... change of scene, maybe...
dear ah pek: last 30 years ah? blur blur loh. i would have thought i know myself by now.....but i think i really don't
dear cocka: hahaha. poor thing. my story is better, i think. he joined me many many years ago.
dear helen: :-) oooo, you're right on that. their places are very small, even when you are rich. but i can't speak for the rich in hk. i've never had a chance to rub shoulders with them :-)
dear ronnie: singapore was also my second home during a period in my life - and i had lots of memories to take away.
dear may: hey, that's how i feel, i think. *high 5*
Have you been nomadic last time? You had so many second homes... How about giving me a lowdown on how those places relate to your life before now?
dear ian: wooooooa, that would be lengthy. uncle cocka would complain of another migraine attack and i don't want to be responsible. briefly, at different times in my life, i've considered 3 countries as my 2nd home. when i left each (though i never stayed in hk for an extended period of time), i felt like i've left a little of myself behind. at the same time, i felt like i brought a lot of something else, perhaps memories, with me.
The grass always seem greener on the other side... until when you physically step on it.
dear lm: yes, i agree with you.
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