listening with your ears

over the weekend, i borrowed some friends.

as a result of having spent my childhood years divided between two countries, my friends are now all over the world, separated by distance and time. for those truly fated to remain in my life, i have been able to keep in contact with them or recently locate over the internet. the rest have disappeared, carried away by the wind of change.

i envy people with groups of friends, mostly because i have none myself. especially those that have witnessed your growing up and have been through thick and thin with you. do you have someone in your life that will like you no matter what you say or do? someone that will be your friend no matter how you persistently arrive late for meetings or forget their birthdays? someone who wouldn't be offended by your often frank remarks and honest opinions? someone who lets you be who you are?

i digress.

last sunday i attended a christmas party, cum birthdays party. yes, birthdays. in the plural sense. although i do not know most of the partygoers, it was still nice to be a witness to the group of friends jollying in the festive mood. is there such a word: 'jollying'? there must be. how else would you describe what it is that santa claus does. we sang christmas carols, made small talks and enjoyed the good food. this year seems more like christmas then any other year.

of late, i have been under the impression that i am a lousy communicator. sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings do not come easy to me. however, i recenty realise that it's not me. it is they who are lousy listeners. damn lousy too.

who in the right mind will want to share with someone whose glance keeps sneaking to the doorway, as if expecting mr handsome prince to walk through the door any minute? it really is a pain in the behind, you know, as if i am somehow blind and cannot see the frequent darting of the eyes. if you want to be somewhere else, i will be happy not to keep you.

then there was that lady who greeted me and then stood right there, texting something on her handphone, while i stood in limbo, waiting for her to continue. i was seriously debating whether i should continue walking off!

some have the supernatural powers of retaining the words i say without even using his conscious mind. there will be a delay gap of thirty seconds before the words actually enter into his brain, much like live radio, and he acknowledges them. his reply will return when your mind is already on something else. it is quite an amazing ability, to retain information without actually processing it. then again, i believe this skill is limited only to the male sex. other times, the words are lost somewhere between the distance from my mouth and his ears.

there are those who answer to your whining and ranting with a nonchalant casual reply. hello? i'm being very agitated here and you tell me 'it's like that'? not exactly conducive response to more confidence, friend. there should be a short course on the proper way to a good conversation; the correct place to insert a few 'yes', 'poor thing', 'i know what you mean' and the 'i'm listening intently' look. how all these people will benefit!

so, i tell you, it's not me, it's them. they need to have a good pair of functional listening ears. listening is a lost virtue.