the tale of my first time

yehhhhhh! *damn hiao sound* my virgin time........*batting eyelashes rapidly*.......how can it be like that? i have been waiting expectantly for the first time. my heart was beating so fast, you can almost feel it pumping through the thin white shirt i was wearing. i clasp and unclasp my hands in nervousness and my palms were starting to get wet and sweaty. i rub them up and down my jeans......i look up shyly, still pondering whether i will remember this first time when i am old and gray. so many questions were running through my mind. am i making the right choice? should i be giving my very first time to this person? will i regret it? will this person think less of me when it is over? sigh! i have come so far, it is too late to turn back now. i can only hope that the receipient will respect me when this is over. sobbbbbbb! and i hope it won't hurt as much as people tell me it would. should i lay a piece of cloth to catch the first drop of virgin blood ? will this person notice that it is my first time....maybe when i flinch or hesitate......ok, less thinking, more action.......with that, i.........i...........scratched my head.......

...........damn! i will never imagine that i will give my first time to a woman! and to a married woman at that! what will everybody think? i have always had this perfect picture in my mind of giving my most precious gift to a very cute guy, with a dimple in his left cheek and a smile that will light up my day. watching the sunset slowly disappearing behind the mountains as we do it. ahhhhh! so romantic. yes, this recipient is very attractive, but that should be no excuse. she is after all a mother of 5. sigh! but since lilian (http://www.chanlilian.net/) is the first person to tag me, i will do my virgin tag for her. sobbbb! (erm, what where you guys thinking of?)

fatt hou meme: the tag: “You are in an alternate universe. You are a single person not involved in any relationship, and you have just published a New York Times bestseller. A movie studio has invited you to Hollywood to talk about a movie deal for three days, and as part of the wooing process, they offer to host a one-on-one dinner each night with the celebrity of your choice. Who would you pick? It could be a star you want to have a shot at ‘hooking up’ with, or it could just be someone you admire.”

All those thinking has caused me to scratch my head too hard (hence, the little drop of blood i was going to use a white sheet to catch). my hair is turning white very fast.....5x mom, macam mana? white colour very hot or not this year?

Ladies and gentlemen, *drums rolling* my first choice will be..........tom cruise, of course. is it his deep-set eyes? those mesmerising pools of dark brown that can melt a woman and turn her into fiery molten? or is it his tall, sharp nose ? (you know what they say, big nose, big 'you know what') or those ooh! so sexy stubbles that prickles and excites when you rub against it? or those pearly whites that flashes when he smiles?

i will put on my tallest high heels, spray on the most irresistible men-hunting perfume, apply the bitchiest make-up and wear the sexiest, figure-hugging black dress. the one that drops down all the way to the navel, displaying my most ample cleavage, and opens up in the back all the way down to just before my pert little bottom. when we meet up in that private little dinner, i will walk up to him, snuggle up realllllllll close and press my body against his, run my fingers through his soft brown hair and whisper softly in his ears.........."eh, you really damn short lah". yup! i just want to get real close to him to check out whether he is as short as he seems in the photos!

ok, my second choice.......what? no more drum roll ah?................dummmmmmmm..............gregory peck! ta dah! what? he's dead? ya lah, i know......so we bring in the "marn my poh" (the chinese ghost medium). i can have a stimulating conversation with her as the go-between. ahhhhh! *this time really swooning* they don't make men with such charm and so suave anymore. can you see his cleft chin? *nearly fainted* *fanning quickly* did you catch his movies? soooooo witty, charming, leng chai, smooth.......hai yah! who can beat all those? erm, but maybe this time i won't have to go in my killer dress and forget that painful heels. i guess i also won't lean so close to the "marn mai poh" (who has killer breath, by the way).

ok, the last one is not that easy. last, but by no means the least important, i choose david beckham. yes, yes, i know. he is not from hollywood, neither is he a filmstar. but he is a celebrity and what hollywood wants, hollywood can get. and the things that he does to get attention, he will sure want to be in my movie. ok, first his photo.

ok, you people must be thinking: finally someone that she wants for his body. i mean, after all, that's all he has, right? a "chun" body (not much brain cells to go with it). sooooooo..... she wants to snuggle up to this type of man. hmmmmm.......so, under the psychoanalysis test results, that means she must have had a very traumatised childhood and been "kau kor" by some older uncle...or even worse, aunties! she must have this secret fettish to licking dirty toes and be tickled. no way! the reason that i want to get this guy alone is to ask him, "eh, all the times that you head the balls, did they do severe damage to your brain cells ah? how did you manage to get through life without doing any simple arithmetic before you became famous?" did anybody read the article on him in the sun today? he was supposedly helping his seven year old son, brooklyn, with his mathematics homework when he realised that it was too much for him. we don't know what questions his son was attempting to do but according to similar syllabus, his son is suppose to be answering questions along the "what is 12 divided by 3?" and "if x left the house at 12:15 and was gone for 30minutes, what time will she reach home?" genre. er.......knock, knock, anybody in ? *knocking at beckham's skull* i know that life is not about mathematics, but it is not all about football either. he is soooooo lucky he is considered to be good at what he does. i guess it shouldn't matter, right? i mean, after all he is reputedly earning GBP35million pounds for a 4-year contract. but how is he going to know if he has really received so much if he can't count?

ok, now on to my movie.........what will it be on? "showcasing the origins, evolution and development of batik". huh? what? what's wrong with that? i have no idea why hollywood is fighting each other to produce my book but the reviews were as follows:

"lenglui's imagination at its most sublime....an entertaining, pacey page-turner" Sir Peter de la Billiere, Mail on Sunday

"a fast-moving intrigue...a cracking good read. this is the first novel i have read by lenglui; it will not be my last" Kate Saunders, Sunday Times

"kept you guessing who did it until the very last page" Peter Stothard, Editor, The Times

"few are more famous than lenglui for keeping the pages turning....an extravagant romp - possibly her best"

i guess they must have loved all the "tenun" methods and the culture behind it. go figure hollywood. not as materialistic as you have thought, huh?

ok, last bit. who can i tag? since i don't know many people in this blogosphere yet, erm.....i just tag at random, ok? i hate this part. damn! it's difficult to find people who have not been tagged recently.

1. Min (http://lauraadam.blogspot.com/)

2. Andy Lim (http://wittysquirrel.blogspot.com/ )

3. Allison (http://pastelmanja.blogspot.com/)

sorry guys (who threw that shoe?!!!!)