a 'no-name' post

one lesson i have learnt from yesterday - even with state-of-the-art laptop and hi-tech handphone, if you don't have an i.t.-savvy brain, you have nada, zilch, nothing, no internet connection.

yesterday saw me hunting down all avenues in a vain attempt to be connected to the web. i tried hooking up to a normal telephone line, stealing people's broadband, begging my handphone to 'speak' to my laptop and even contemplated buying a broadband roaming card. as you very well know, my mission was a failure.

the reason for my eagerness to log onto the web, despite the obvious reason of my addiction to blogging and the torturous withdrawal symptoms like itchy fingers, foggy brain and runny nose, was because i came to realise that my post on monday has caused many readers to be concerned about my mental being (that was an extremely long sentence, try beating that!). i don't even know why, i wasn't even sad. most readers seemed to have come to the conclusion that i am a depressed, unhappy and lost looney toon. i can almost see cocka standing at the side, with a couple of men in white coats and holding a strait jacket in anticipation. this is far from the thruth, though i must admit to the looney-toon bit.

please don't be unduly alarmed at my spats of 'depressing' or what other bloggers termed as 'heavy' posts. this blog is almost like my alter ego. whilst some have chosen to be bitchy, direct or whimsical in theirs, i wanted this to be the place where i sometimes stop, think and look deeper into myself. what you see here is not what you will see in real life. you know the type of people who looks like they are all serious and in deep thought when they are silent, but are actually phasing out and daydreaming? i'm like that. most of the time when i am quiet, i am not brooding or being depressed. i am lost somewhere in that wild imagination of mine and i have turned off my brain. so, this is where i switch it back on again.

this is the place i bare all. in my world, my mouth is as tightly shut as a clam. i cannot open up, short of you boiling me first, as with the clam :-) so, i choose to do it here. sometimes, i peel off the layers of the onion to ask myself how i really feel. if you look hard, you'll realise that most times i use the word 'perhaps' and question marks. it's more like i am throwing my thoughts out there and asking people who have become my friends about the way i feel. i write without first deliberating, i let my emotions guide me. so, please don't be misled that i am always depressed and unhappy. on the contrary, i am always smiling.

at times, i have my low moments, as with everybody else. come tomorrow, the sun always shine again. being privy to my innermost thoughts in here may come across as indigestible for some, for i always seem to be so serious and depressed. i come in, i think about how i feel a little and then i leave it here and go back to my happy blur self. so, if you do come across another one of my depressing posts, please don't worry about me. i'm just letting off some steam. and if you don't know what to comment, you can always pull my leg like mr cocka does. i'll always be in the mood to laugh :-)

ok, seriousness aside. too much grim talks make one age prematurely :-)

yesterday, mr bean had to make a visit to the hospital, for a small outpatient operation. no, not rowan atkinson. my old bean (does that make HD the young bean?) it was a simple enough procedure, and everything went smoothly (this is the part where i get on my hands and legs and pray my thanks to the heavens above). i seemed to have become accustomed to that hospital from the numerous visits that i have been making in the recent years. i should start making a list of which doctors i have already made acquaintance. i was going to say 'and see if i can break my personal record' but i don't think that anymore visits to a doctor will be a good thing.

i had to cut this post prematurely short because i have run out of time. i may expand on it in the afternoon. then again, i may not.

you know the hardest part about this post? naming it.