closing of a chapter

this blog is a mixture of my muses, my thoughts and sometimes, the journal of my journey in life. if you sometimes find reading it a little confusing and lost, don't worry. you are sneaking a glimpse into my real world and are being a spectator to a page in my life. just enjoy what you read and don't feel pressured to leave comments.

today is the last day of the month of May.

i bid adieu to my vegetarianism status and say a hesitant hello to being an omnivore again.

it has been a difficult month for a true born carnivore like me. meat has always been my staple food. but it is not the abstinence that i find testing. i have had people, be it close or distant, judging me and putting all kinds of pressure and expectations on me. i have tried to keep as quiet as possible about my decision for i did not make this choice to please or impress anybody. i made it to satisfy the beatings of my own heart.

i cannot stand idly by whilst she lay there. the moment the idea popped into my head that i give up something i love to do in exchange for her health, i cannot just shove it out without feeling guilty. knowing that i could have done something, i cannot live knowing that i have never tried it, regardless of the fact that it could have no real bearing on her progress.

i am just sorry i couldn't do it for a longer time. whilst i desperately want her to recover, i have to balance it with the concern and love that my mother has for me. whilst my heart bleed for her, my mum's bleed for me.

closing this chapter of my life and moving on to another is a little scary. i have been very surprised that i did not miss eating meat at all when i have been doing it for my whole life. conversely, making the first step back, i am a little hesitant to put that first piece into my mouth again.

it feels strange.