the triangle

ahhhhh....! the school holiday has come and went. now, as i gear myself to return to the humdrum routine of my life, my mind focuses itself on the affairs of my heart.

sigh! it's confession time once again.

many readers know me as a happily married woman with two kids. these they have gleaned from my writings. what you don't know is that i once found myself in the middle of a triangular love affair, of which i find myself unable to extricate, or was it unwilling to extricate.

how do i even begin to tell the story? it is not so simple as a and b loves c. in the matters of the heart, there is no right or wrong. there is no 'should i' or 'shouldn't i', only what your beating thumping heart tells you. your lying betraying heart.

when i first saw him, i knew that he was the one that i have been waiting for. eventhough my husband was by my side, i couldn't help but sneak another peek at him. yes, he was all that i want. cute, cheerful, nice and so handsome. and he looked straight back at me. i could tell that he felt the same way about me; he had the biggest smile that was reserved just for me. and that was the beginning.

however, i soon discovered that there was another party to this affair. c was equally smitten with him. should i step aside and let the two of them have the 'happily ever after'? i have mulled over this question many times. i am, after all a married woman, and i have no right to his tender loving. despite all the reasonings and rationalisation, i find it very hard to give him up and all his amorous devotion. he has always been there for me, always ready for a warm hug and a listening ear. i have become addicted to his overflowing tolerance, thoughtfulness and tenderness.

i was so confused, so desperate. there was no one i could turn to. i knew that whilst i still have half a reasoning power left, whilst i am still strong enough, i should leave him. and so i did. i gave him up and passed him over to c. was i very generous? or was i afraid of destroying my marriage? i really couldn't tell the difference between the two. i just knew that it felt like the right thing to do.

the last i heard, they are very happy together. i still see them, very frequently. but the pain has lessen and i can manage a smile too. i do wish them every happiness. but should c one day decides that he is not the one, i will be there, waiting, to catch him with open arms.

meanwhile, i have my family.

selfish? we must all be true to our heart and for happiness, we must all strive.


a picture of me and him during our happier times. shortly after this picture was taken, i stepped aside as the third party and let c, my son, have him. to hug, to hold and to cherish forever.