my two best friends

i have two best friends, m and b.

usually, these two are the best of pals, mirroring each other physically and spiritually. what m says, b will do - no questions asked. they have been together since day 1 and as such, their relationship is closer than flesh and blood. i have never heard them argue or even utter a raised voice, for that matter. it is a relationship that many will envy.

however, yesterday, something happened - something that shattered the closeness between them. i hang my head in shame but i admit that i am the one who caused the rift. yes, it was because of me. in my defence, i can only say that i did it because i thought would be the best for all three of us.

what did i do that could possibly drive them apart? i went for my weekly yoga class.

m (mind) was all geared up and ready for the limb-bending class. b (body) was a little hesitant, but as usual, followed m meekly through the door. when the instructor came, i could see b from the corner of my eyes and she was ready to make a run for the door. m was there to stop her and i think that was where the resentment started. all throughout the class, m kept urging b to carry out various poses, stretches and postures. b struggled with her best effort, just to please m but there was no letting-up. the difficulty level kept increasing. i think the final straw came when m asked b to do the scorpion pose. i could cut the tension in the air with a knife.



they are not on speaking terms now. it is sad but who would have thought that such a long relationship could be so fragile. maybe....when b is not hurting so bad she will communicate with m once more. what then? what will happen when next thursday's yoga class comes around? i dare not think.

don't be fooled

two weeks ago, i celebrated a friend's birthday with him and thought it would be nice to capture the whole cake blowing thing on my handphone.

two weeks later, i realise what a fool i am. for i am the only one who can watch the video.

as an after-event gift, i wanted to send him a copy of the video to add to his memory chest. only then did i realise that he did not have the software to play it back. he wasn't really enthusiastic to download the necessary program either. i tried to convert the mpeg4 file into something readable for windows media player....two weeks later, i am still trying. there is no way you can get free software to convert the file. microsoft and nokia made sure of that. so, for those who are thinking that the handphone is probably the best way to capture memorable events, please be warned that you are likely to be the only one left watching it.

today is my limb bending day again. just as i have recovered from the pain and aches, i am going to subject my body to torturous positions once more. all i can say to my dear friend is: i am sorry, but it is all for your own good. you will thank me when you are all fit and firm.

world's best kept secret

gather around, fellow readers.....come closer....for i am about to reveal a very important secret to you today. you must promise never to divulge what you read here today to another living soul......it may hold the key to your future. for those who need the extra cash, listen carefully.......

many professionals out there will know for sure that the key to success is to be able to foretell the next trend. countless people have made a windfall from the internet bubble (yes, and a lot of people got burnt but that is beside the point) and counter-holders profited from the timber and fibre-cable eras. now, the in thing is oil and gold.....so if only we know what is the next trend and catch it before everybody, we are sure to make a bundle. agree?

this is where i have to look around to see if anybody is eavesdropping *looking right and left* and draw the blinds to keep out unwanted attention. for i know what is going to be the next big thing. all you have to do is trust me........

are you guys ready? i am going to say it once and once only. for those with a little bit of cash, invest it all in ..........pig pancreas. yes, you heard it correctly......pig pancreas. wait! don't leave.....and you...at the back there...don't shake your head in disbelief. go to your local market tomorrow morning and buy all the pig pancreas you can and store it in the freezer. in a year's time, you will find that it is more expensive than abalone. let me explain my rationale to those disbelievers out there.

i went to the market at 9:00 this morning to buy some pig pancreas. and what would you know? it was all sold out! all 3 stalls that were selling pork!

for those uninformed, this organ part of the piggy is extremely beneficial for diabetics, coupled with corn silk. boil it for 3 hours with some dried longans, it acts as an insulin supplement to help diabetics keep their blood sugar level low. those with diabetics will know that this is the best solution, since relying fully on medicine in the long run will only impede its effectiveness.

i know you people out there are arguing that there are so many pigs out there, no way will this be considered a premium product along the lines of abalone and shark fins. think again.......long long ago, the sea was filled with sharks and abalone....so much that abalone farming was just for tourist entertainment in australia and people kill sharks ala jaws' style because they were endangering swimmers' life. now....look and see.....sharks have since become an endangered species themselves.

you are still not convinced? consider how many diabetics are there in Malaysia alone. 1 million of the adult population! if these 1 million people were to drink this pig pancreas soup twice a week, how many pigs do we have to kill in a month? for those not so mathematically inclined, it works out to be approximately 8million pigs!!!!! and do we have so many pigs to fulfill the demand?

so...you see, when the demand is there and the supply cannot meet it, the price will definitely go up. simple economics. infact, looking at how the scales are tipped, the price will shoot up like a rocket.

this soup is not only recommended by me, it is recognised in the chinese medical history. so, people, what are you waiting for? run out there and buy all the pig pancreas you can get your hands on......but leave some for me, ok?

are you ready for more ghost stories?

last saturday i read a mail from a reader, pt, who said that he/she likes my writing but it sounded negative/sad/depressed. it was like a smack on the head for me, a wake up call. i had started this blog to get away from the negative side of my character and here i am again, unconsciously wallowing in self-pity. maybe i am melancholic by nature...but i am determined to look on the bright side of things *breaking out in a dance ala bollywood style to the song "the bright side of things"*. (damn! i can't seem to get the tune out of my head now). thank you, pt, for reminding me. and if i do get too pessimistic again.....just thump thump my head against the wall. that should get me seeing stars. and thank you for the part about liking my writing....i write and write but have absolutely no idea whether it is nice to read or just plain vanilla boring...comment appreciated.

in conjunction with cheng ming and also after reading handsome seng kor's post, i decided to share with you the tales following the passing away of my grandmother. before that, i must say, as a prologue, that i am not totally convinced about spirits and ghosts, having never seen one myself, nor experience any supernatural existence. having said that, i do not harbour any desire for any of them to visit me tonight *touch wood*.

my grandmother passed away three years ago. we were all there to grieve for her and carry out the traditional buddhist "ta chai", complete with the robed masters and chantings for 3 day and nights. one night shortly after, i have forgotten how long later, she appeared in her eldest son's dream. well, it wasn't exactly a dream. he was sleeping when he suddenly felt very hot. so hot, that he had to wake up. and in the corner of the room, he "saw" his mother standing there, with a young child beside her (which we believe to be her son who has passed away at a young age) . i said "saw" because he actually had his eyes closed. when he opened his eyes, she was not there. but when he closed his eyes again, she was standing in the corner, like she has never left.

at almost the same time, his daughter, who was sleeping in the next room, also felt very very hot. so hot that she had to get up in the middle of the night to change her clothes as it was drenched with sweat. having done that, she climbed into bed to sleep once again. not long later, she felt the corner of her bed depress, as if someone was sitting there. she was, of course, terrified and refused to budge, staying in that same position for the longest time....until she feel the weight lift from the corner of her bed again.

the next night, my father, who is an absolute disbeliever, was sleeping when he felt the hot flashes too. it woke him up, whereupon he smelt something that he described as the woody smell of coffin. knowing my father as i do, i believed him, for he is the most practical person on earth and is not the type to frighten his children unnecessarily.

perhaps my 4th uncle's experience was the most terrifying, for she had stayed with him for a very long time when she was alive. he was watching tv in the den downstairs and feeling tired, decided to take a nap in my grandmother's room, which was downstairs too. as soon as he entered the room, he had the shock of his life. she was standing in the corner, glowing. and he was awake, mind you. he switched on the lights immediately....and she disappeared...but when he switched off the light, she was standing there again. i sure wouldn't like to be in his shoes. so, what is a filial son supposed to do? ".....errrr....mum....can you please go? i am damn afraid!". no, way. he took two sleeping pills, closed his eyes and laid down on the bed.

my grandmother, it seemed, went to each of her children in turn. each claimed to have dreamt of her or felt her presence. some could smell her perfume even when they were in the office board room. or discuss family issues with her in their dreams.

during the first anniversary of her death, the family went to a medium which could bring her soul back for a brief time. she was very accurate in naming the relatives present and the things that she talked about were so consistent with my grandmother that it was scary.

i believe she has since moved on with life on the other side for she never comes to our dreams anymore. i think it was more of a consolation for her children to be able to see her in their dreams shortly after she passed away, more than it was frightening for them. i reckon that it helped them move on with their life as well.

how many friends do you need?

my friend sent me a personality test today. it seems that all you have to do is answer 10 questions and it will be able to tell you things about yourself that you didn’t even know.

ok, fine….i am a bit lost these days and i could do with a little psychoanalysis – free of charge, of course. so, i answered the questions, worked up the total points and this is what it said:

others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. they see you as clever, gifted, or talented but modest. not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

i was so amazed at how accurate it was and how it seems to pinpoint the thing that was bugging me most. it will seem that all my efforts at pretending to be outgoing, affable and friendly are not exactly fooling anyone. all I had to do is answer 10 questions and it reveals my true character and its flaws. wow! just imagine…….my entire being is summarized into 10 multiple choice questions.

a little pitiful if you come to think of it. or maybe the pity is in its accuracy.

it’s true, i have but only a handful of choice friends. sometimes i think that my funeral will be the quietest event in the world, if these few friends outlive me. if my lifespan is shorter than only 5 people, i am going to have a problem with volunteers for coffin-bearers. is there a service to outsource this to people that you don’t know? like witnesses and bridesmaid at las vegas weddings.

i don’t even need two hands to count my friends but i feel so honoured that they love me so (errrr…..at least I think they do). since this is by choice, i have no regrets. i know, quality, not quantity……eventhough, honestly, sometimes i could do with a change of faces once in a while. i mean, how many times can you call the same handful of people before they tire of you?

mon – ms l
tues – ms l
wed – ms c
thur – mr c & mr I (which i am thinking of writing out from my books these days….which brings the number down to a very pathetic figure)
fri – ms p
sat – ms c
sun – even friends need a break every now and then

i wouldn’t be able to change this even if i wanted to. i can go out and mingle till the cows come home and i will still not be able to find a single friend. (it doesn’t help that i am not exactly ‘life of the party’ material). not that i am unfriendly, mind you. but my definition of ‘friends’ happen to be very exalted. i may spend hours talking to someone but i will still not classify him/her as a friend, just someone to talk to. snobbish, you say? more like i don’t like the feeling of being betrayed…….i guess what the last part of the description above was referring to (aren’t you shocked by now that this thing seems to know more about me that I do?)

having a friend is a combination of destiny, timing and luck.

so, i shall not complain. i am very comfortable with this group of friends, like my own skin. And i shall not give it up for the world. and i think that’s all that counts.

food, food and food

today we shall leave all the weighty issues aside and talk about happier things......my personal favourite topic - food. yuuuuummy! ok, this is very good for therapeutic purposes....close your eyes and think of your favourite food......the one that you can never say no to even after you are full........quick, what comes to mind?

for me, a whole buffet spread of good food appears to mind. yes, i am too greedy but in this modern age, we live to eat and not eat to live. i love all kinds of food and if i was asked which is my absolute favourite, it will be a challenge for me to answer.

all my loyal readers know that among my favourite stands maggi curry. there is no denying that. but let's move on...there are many more fishes in the sea....there is also our local pride; nasi lemak. *salivating* i was told that there is a dish of nasi lemak going for $60 in the ampang area. yes! $60. i wouldn't even want to imagine what the equivalent sum can buy but i was informed that it is realllly good.....this coming from a foreigner. well, it seems that the rice does not stick together and you can feel the springy bite in each individual mouthful. sounds captivating. but with all the sambal and ikan bilis, i am not sure i can tell the difference. me, i prefer the $1 variety. wrapped in banana leaves. and surprising it may be to some, one pack is enough. when you have too much of a good thing, you are satieted. if you have slightly less, you will be left hungering for more and the appreciation for it lingers. let's move on before my drool drowns the computer...

my next favourite is.......roti canai. full as i may be, if i see some on the table, i need to have at least half a piece. i think it is because i do not have this delicious meal as often as i like. when one cannot indulge one's passion, you will always be wishing for more. this thing packs a punch in terms of calories and fat....enough said.

ok, let's move away from the hawker style food and on to chain stores. anyone tried the 'mark six curry rice' in kim gary? those for a penchant for spicy stuff, grab your wallet / handbag and go try now (wait, don't go.....i mean after you finish reading this post lah). this is guaranteed to make your nose runs and your tongue on fire. imagine, a dish of chicken and pork chops, sausage, hard boiled egg, ham and chicken wing swimming in hot spicy sauce, baked in a layer of cheese. hmmmm......i can almost taste it on the tip of my tongue. i have bad gastritis and it spells trouble for my stomach but each time i go into kim gary, i just cannot pass the opportunity to indulge.

for those who go to midvalley often, please try the carrot cake at the food court, 3rd floor. remember to go for the flat type, not the cubic ones. you have not tasted carrot cake until you have tried these. coated in egg batter and fried golden brown, you eat it with some sambal belacan. it is really to die for.

i can go on and on.....there's fresh popiah, chinese rojak, hot and sweet crab, prawns, spaghetti vongole, wahyu beef steak. and then there's also my mum's johor laksa, "pan meen" (homemade style is the yummmmmmiest), "che hoon ken" (for those who have no inkling what this is, you usually can't get it outside. it's porridge mixed with flour, steamed and then fried with dried prawns, meat and vege.) for those of you wondering, no, you can't come to my mum's place for dinner.

i was invited to shangri-la's lemon garden buffet on sunday. for those who don't stay in kl, it holds the widest selection of local and international food with cuisines ranging from chinese dim sum to indian tandoori.... to fresh oysters and prawns.....to italian finger food.....and japanese sashimi. the dessert corner is equally impressive with its chocolate fountain and wide selection of cakes and fruits. it is not cheap, by the way. but people who are seasoned buffet-patronisers will know that they have to go for the sashimi, fresh oysters and prawns to get their money worth. only idiots like me will go for our beehoon soup, pizza, fried rice, satay and a.b.c. i can almost see the manager standing in the corner, smirking away.

one last point on the topic of food. how do you know if your partner really loves you? when he / she willingly gives you the very last piece of his favourite food, knowing that you love it as much as he does. like mothers.....mothers will always give the best part of the food to their children, even though their saliva may be drooling out from the corner of their mouth. they will say "no, no, no lah, i don't like drumstick...so rough the meat, i like the wings, more to bite on mah...." even though they are eyeing the last piece of .....whatever....and they are willing to trade souls with the devil to devour it, they will still use their chopstick to pick up the last piece and lovingly put it in their child's plate (and when he takes a bite of it and spits out, she will nearly die of frustration). so, does your partner gives you the very last piece? or does he fight with you to the very end?

inefficiency at it's best

this is not what i wanted to write about today but as i was going through the comments in my blog and replying to them, i am also making a call to 'ass-tero' (i am so tempted to use the more vulgar version but i shall refrain).

i am so frustrated right now that it will be a very good idea to stay far far away from me. ah pek in port dickson and 5xmom in penang will probably be safe from my wrath but the rest of you, watch out!

what's ticking me off? that phonecall that i am making to the cable company! the one that i called one hour ago! and is still on the line......waiting! i decided to subscribe (or at this point in time, attempting to subscribe) to this month's block office movies. deciding that the best option will be to call them to activate the service, i gave them a call two days ago.

i was asked to wait....."there are currently 10 phonecalls ahead of you".......

damn! i hung up immediately and tried their website. it was easy and jiffy. i completed the application within 5 minutes and was told that the service will be activated in 1 hour. great! internet is really the miracle of modern living!

unfortunately, when i check the service that night, 8 hours later, the service was not up....as expected. so, hanging my head low and giving in to their inefficiency, i gave them another call. at 10pm, i was still put on hold........"there are currently 10 phonecalls ahead of you"..........who the hell calls astero in the middle of the night?!?!?! what are they doing there? operating a phone-sex service?!

i gave up that night.

this morning, i got up bring and early......and gave them a call. at 8am, it was already......."there are currently 5 phonecalls ahead of you........" the office only opens from 8am to 12pm daily! it really makes you wonder. were these 5 people sitting beside their phones, bitting their nails and watching the clock tick to the fateful 8:00am, then grabbing the earpiece and punching in the numbers as quickly as they could? damn again! since i had to bring kor-kor to school, i gave up for the third time.

ok, the minute i got back, i dialled astero's no. and was all prepared for a long wait. i got the usual "there are 10 phonecalls ahead of you". why is it almost always 10 phonecalls? do they keep people on the line until there are at least 10 people before they pick up the first phonecall? i can just imagine those lady operators sitting around eating their breakfast and catching up on the latest gossips whilst the light is blinking away on the telephone system.

i waited.....and waited....and waited. it dwindled to 5 phonecalls.........and then 5 phonecalls......and 5 phonecalls. there seems to be a hiccup with caller no. 5. i wouldn't have mind the wait so much if they didn't insist that i have to "press no. 2 if you would like to continue waiting" every minute. comeon, do you mean that after all this wait, people will give up their line in the queue? i mean, if i did, i would have just hung up the phone, idiot! if i am still on the line, you will be safe to think that i DO want to continue waiting. what is this? which idiot thought of this? someone programmed this to play with our mind! do they expect someone to say "no....i don't want to wait but i just like to stay on the phone......" and so that's why they need to double-confirm that you are still on the line because you want to wait and not just for the fun of it.

as it is, i had to type a few words on this post, keep my ears open for "press 2....." then rush over to the phone and press 2 before coming back to figure out where i have left off. and just as i remembered, i have to rush over and press 2 again. damn!

caller no. 5 took almost half an hour before it slowly dwindled to caller no. 4, 3, 2, 1 and then "please hold on while we transfer you to the operator....". yes! yes! yes! i waited with baited breath.......

the minute the operator picked up the phone, i said sweetly "would you believe that i have been waiting for one hour?". you wouldn't believe what happened after that? that bloody bitch hung up on me! after all that wait! *&^%$#@! if i could only get her name!

so, please, for those of you out there with nothing better to do, please, i beg you, log into their website (http://www.astro.com.my/v5/customer/contact.asp) and give them a piece of your mind too. i just did (and a piece of my behind, my back, my mouth, my eyes and my hand too!)

forget even about the story where i had to call a dozen times just to change my address when i moved. seven months down the road, the bills are still sent to the old address. sigh! same company, same inefficient system.

the sad thing about this is that the company's service used to be very efficient and fast. is this the malaysian way?

parenthood

i've been wanting to post this topic since last week but i have only been able to sit down and clear my mind today. i find it very difficult to form the words to express my thoughts on this, i don't know why. i have made an attempt to start so many times, only to find that my efforts do not adequately carry my sentiments across.

i shall just launch into what brought about this sentiment in the first place. lengchai was telling me about stories that he has heard from other parents and relatives.

case scenario 1: after completing his form 5, mr & mrs t's son was supposed to further his studies abroad. choosing australia as his next step, he found a nice lodging in the form of homestay with a sweet family. being away from his family for the first time and not knowing how to even handle a saucepan, this is ideal as a respectable host family will take care of the child and provide him with the 'family-feel' that he is suddenly missing. mr & mrs t accompanied their beloved son to australia and helped him to settle into his new abode. after 1 week, they left for home. when they reached home, 12 hours later, they were surprised to receive a call from their son immediately. apparently, he couldn't get use to the new environment. mind you, this boy is not some greenhorn from the kampung. he is used to jet-setting and travelling worldwide for holidays. what did the parents do?........well, it will seem that they flew over there immediately and brought him back, subsequently enrolling him in a local college.

case scenario 2: mr & mrs o comes from a poor family, struggling daily in their small kampung grocery store to provide enough for their children; earning a very small margin from foodstuffs and daily necessities. after many hard years, their children are all grown up now and have left for the city to look for promising jobs. each time a child goes to the city, he/she will need a car for transportation and daddy / mummy dearest will dig deep into their savings to buy them a brand new kancil or proton. as they have 6 children, this happened many times. the thought never occured to them to adapt to the inefficient public transportation or to car-pool, for that matter. it doesn't matter that they live in the same house and travel to the same building for work; each needed their own vehicle. when they return home to their kampung, it never crossed their mind to give a small allowance to their now aged parents. instead, each time they return, they come back with a car load of groceries from their parents' store.

case scenario 3: school holiday comes around and so, mr & mrs l decided to send their son (in his mid teens) to summer camp. it would be a very good adventure for a boy that age; to learn about being independent, make new friends and have a very healthy physical experience. unfortunately, the boy called the very next day, asking his parents to bring him home as he could not cope with the physical condition of the place. their parents complied.

i now know why i find it so hard to write about this post. whilst the stories evoke very strong feelings from me, i do not know how i should pass comment. i am so tempted to hit each of them on the head, both parent and children. i shudder to think what our society will become with such useless people as our pillar of society in the future and such senseless parents to support them. i can only hope that i do not spoil my children so.

it is so easy for parents to love their child. but when they love them too much like what i have described, they are actually destroying them; their integrity, their motivation, their character, their resistance and their perseverance. it is so easy to give in to their every whims and desires and soooo hard to fight it all the way. but if every parent knows how destructive their love can be to the character of their children, which parent would wish it upon their child?

the hardest part of parenthood.............is to let go.

a letter to self

last week has been a real test to my endurability ~ gastronomy wise. i had japanese food 5 times in 7 days, each time not on my own initiative. the most surprising of the whole experience is that i am not yet weary of it. i probably have udon sprouting out from my nose, california maki from my ears and tempura foaming from my mouth but if anyone was to invite me for yet another round of japanese food, i am game.

**********************

dear self,

i am trying my very best to move on.

i have not drank tea for 10days now and counting.........i don't know since when i have developed this addiction. over time, i have developed a close rapport with tea and have looked forward to each cuppa. it has brought me countless hours of enjoyment and sanity, amidst this crazy world that i live in. i take pleasure in being able to talk to my cup of tea as it listens without judgement.

but for each and every good thing, there is always a time to move on.

i am surprised that with each passing day that i am going without, i actually find it easier to break away from this craving. i have always visualised a much more heart-breaking scenario. the first few days were the most torturous. when i knew in my heart that it was the last cup of tea that i will be having for some time, my heart was heavy and i question my reasons for that decision. do i not enjoy drinking tea anymore or has it become too much of a chore? when i realise that neither the tea nor I was looking forward to that moment anymore, i knew it was time to carry on with my life. it was a case of too much of a good thing.

the cup of tea no longer cares if i will turn up and savour it anymore, nor is it interested in learning more about me and listening to my tales. i am but another passing face in the sea of people. i refuse. i refuse to be just another person who knows how to savour the flavour of tea. i do not wish to impose my desires and sentiments on it. i choose to continue moving.......to another friend that will revere me.

the days seem emptier and there is something less to look forward to. yet i carry on.........

i don't want to drink tea for the sake of drinking tea........i have gone through much to have my usual cup but when it does not carry anymore meaning, the cup of tea now taste bland and cold.

kaypo lenglui strikes again!

kar kar kar kar. yes, finally you can hear my laughter.

should i write about it? if i do, i am sure people out there will search me out and kill me. or should i keep quiet and go about my business. there is no return......once i do talk about it, my identity may be exposed. hmmmm.......

die die lah.

the bloggers had a mini-meet yesterday and i sent in my spy......did any of you guys had a good look at the waitress serving you? or the captain in the restaurant? or the patrons at the table outside of your room? kekeke. i am so sorry but true to my name, kaypo lenglui had to find out more about the bloggers' meet.

now i am familiar with each and every one of you. i know how each of you looks like, how old you are (in the ballpark anyway) and your names. be afraidddddddd! kekekeke. sounds like a suspense mystery movie of the who dunnit genre. actually, my memory fades very fast (this is another topic by itself and i shall write about it another day) and by tommorrow i will have forgotten your lovely faces, unfortunately (yes, 24hour memory only).

before anybody want to thrash my hide, i just want to add that i think it is the most wonderful thing that you guys are doing. this bloggers' meet may mean more to some than you know and by going about your daily blogging, you have given inspiration and support to people that you may never know about. your comments and network may have helped some pull through their toughest time and make the biggest mountain look like a mole hill; teaching all of us to laugh at our problems and ourselves.

for all this, i thank you.

wanted! dead or alive. reward given

kok, kok, kok *knocking on my head*. hey, what's going on in there? i can't seem to blog these days, what happened? for that matter, i can't seem to laugh too.

i read the posts of other bloggers and their amusing photos. it brings a faint twitch to my lips, not even amounting to a smile. i devour joke books but still the sound of laughter is elusive. i go about my daily life, running everywhere for chores like a crazed woman. still...........

i don't even remember how to laugh anymore. er......ha ha.....har har......hah hah......sounds so alien and forced to my ears.

my friend tells me a joke:

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "If I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."
Chicken says: "Big deal I only have to cough and the entire planet sh*** itself."

Hmmmm.....no effect, not even a twitch this time. She tries again:


THE LONELY BRAIN CELL
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened
to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all
empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now
the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top
of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

"We're down here ..."

that was pathetic. she was running out of patience. exasperated, she tries again......

CHICKEN RUN

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM – He blows the young rooster to bits.The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third gay rooster I bought this month."

kar kar kar. i forced a laugh to satisfy her. sigh! displeased and offended, she gave up. what am i to do?

help! jokes, anyone?

manic monday

i slept for 10 whole hours last night! yet, this morning, as i opened my eyes from the land of the dead, my first instinct was still to bury my head deep into my covers and hide from the world.

it has been a very exhausting weekend for me, physically and mentally, a little bit of a roller coaster. monday would have been a great day to take things easy and recuperate. alas! the kids are having their school holidays. posting this entry in itself is a great challenge. my head is spinning.....my breathing laboured...my bones aching (from last thursday's limb-maneuvering yoga) and my ears ringing (from all their shouting).

anybody curious about what i did for the weekend? i am quite ashamed to say that after 35 years of living, i finally made an effort to visit cameron for the 2nd time. the first was when i was a lot younger and have no recollection of events whatsoever, so i guess it doesn't count. i am amazed that there is so much going on up there and with better planning by our tourism ministry, it could actually be a point of attraction for many overseas visitors. as it is, the potential is there. but that's not my business and i am not here for government bashing.

the highlight for me was actually a visit to the robinson waterfalls. ok, everybody out there, what comes to your imagination when i say 'robinson waterfalls'? for me, it was a leisurely picnic beside the waterfalls, fighting for sandwiches with the ants, basking in the cool air and submersing my feet in the icy water. ahhhhh! what luxury! but life has a vey funny way of not imitating your imagination. they never do. infact, reality is always the opposite.

the track started on a fairly solid, tiled albeit narrow path. for those who are uninformed, i actually have acrophobia - fear of heights. however, with the excitement of reaching my target and the uncertainty of what lies ahead, i plundered on. after a few minutes of walking, the path became narrower and narrower. the tiled road turned into big steps, which became uneven slanting surface......then wet soiled muddy paths strewn with twines and cables....then huge deep steps......and even narrower paths (ok, for some those paths would have been enough to perform a breakdance but to my slitty, sweat-covered panicky eyes, it was not even enough for me to balance).

after walking in such trecherous conditions for twenty minutes, we saw the waterfall. and that was when i gave up! we were not even halfway down the waterfall!

i couldn't do it. all that obstacles and it was only less than half the track. fear hit me point blank. i nearly collapsed on my weakened knees. i would have shouted 'mummy' but she was right behind me. and so were all the kids who were taking it nonchalantly. we turned back but i would have gladly stayed there and rot to death. there was no way i could do the same track twice. if i could maintain my dignity and yet crawl on the path at the same time, i would have drop to my hands and knees immediately.

have you ever experience the fear of facing your phobias? whoever said that confronting it will remove all anxiety is an idiot. the only thing that it convinced me was what a fool i am and never ever to go hiking again. your legs basically become wooden blocks that refuse to listen to your commands. your palms are all sweaty and your heart cold with fear. every step you take, you imagine yourself plundering into the deep ravine, shouting and screaming 'ahhhhhhhhhh' with your hands flailing above your head (vivid imagination!).

as you know, i made it out of that adventure alive. i lived to tell the tale. of my stupidity. yes, hubby dearest, the track was not even high. and there was no plunging ravine. so, now i know i have a new fear - a fear of narrow paths - crazyrophobia.

a friend

thinking about friends brought back memories of another special friend i have.

we have known each other for the longest time and i have seen him passed through some dramatic changes in life. from the very start, i have felt a connection to him.....a very strange feeling of closeness. i could slip my hands through his and spend hours with him, without those boy-girl stuffs getting in the way. we could be with each other without talking or we could talk until the cow comes home. it wasn't those typical romantic love but i felt very close to him, more than i felt with my family.

i was very sad when he moved away but the distance didn't make him less important to me. he did things for me that he would not do for others. that made me felt very special and i thought i meant something to him too. we continued with our own lives but once in a while, we got together and when we do, it is like nothing has changed. i felt the affection and the closeness.

he has gone through a lot. i would love to say that i saw him through each difficult moment but.....i don't think i was there enough for him. i wanted to run to him, hug him and hold him close when his father passed away....but in the end, all i did was call him on the phone and offer my condolence. i wanted to tell him that his sexual preference makes no difference to the affection i feel for him, but all i did was quietly accept his other half. through each hurdle, i wanted to tell him that i will be his friend forever, but the timing was never right. i don't know if he felt the closeness i enjoyed with him or whether he reciprocated that feeling but i have always thought we meant something to each other.

lately, my life was in a turmoil and i needed a friend's touch. when i asked him to come back for me, he asked when i would like him to return home. i was so touched beyond words, you cannot even begin to imagine. no questions, no excuses, just tell him where and when. all these years that we were apart, i felt so relieved that it didn't affect our friendship. no friend has ever done something like that for me. immediately, i didn't feel like i was at the end of my rope anymore. someone was there to hold my hand.

that would have been the most touching story if that was the ending. unfortunately, life isn't usually so kind to me. he never did come back. after all that talk, it was just that, talk. i have since given up and stopped waiting for his return. from this experience, i learned that sometimes people move on.....and they don't look back. it doesn't make him a bad person. i can treasure the memories of our good times together, but that's all there is, for he has gone forward, leaving me still standing there in the past.

i grieve for the friendship that i have lost.

time to wake up

i can't sleep again last night. this time, what would you know, counting sheeps actually worked. i was distracted several times but after many many hours, i finally managed to concentrate on those wooly animals and they lead me to dreamland.

however, i still feel like shit this morning. i spent yesterday afternoon at my local coffee place. you know the nicest thing about blogging there? i guess it's a combination of several things.
first, of course, there is the endless supply of coffee. but if you are anything like me, the caffeine goes straight to your brain and your hands start to shake even after the first cup, this is not such a good thing. you start to stutter and your brain can't think straight.you end up with a high and talks incessantly. well, a little like what i am doing now.

well, there is also the eye candy. once in a while, some really cute guy walks past and you get to check out his behind (yes, girls do that, so be aware when you walk past us. suck up your tummy and push out those abs, man) it's the best medicine after staring too long at the flickering monitor. yes, that is a very good excuse for checking guys out...but since when do we need an excuse. then you start to wonder, what is this guy doing here in the middle of the day anyway. shouldn't he be in his office or at least doing far more important things that lounging around on a weekday afternoon? i shouldn't judge, i keep reminding myself. for i am also lounging around on a weekday afternoon.

then, there is also the stories that you get to hear. you pretend to be deeply engrossed in your work and you won't believe the juicy gossips that you can eavesdrop on. if you don't look up, they forget that you exist after a while. like now, there is this couple sitting not too far away from me and i can catch snippets of conversation, "what makes you jealous"....."no, no tell me"....."like the time you were...." damn! must get closer to hear more. too bad i can't understand japanese. i sure would like to know what the group of japanese ladies in the corner are laughing so loudly about.

yesterday's break was actually not as enjoyable. the only reason that i am blogging here and now is because i have been stood up by two guys! it is annoying. to be treated like you don't quite matter. more sad than annoying maybe. actually one of them is here. he's outside having a business conversation with another group of people. knowing how busy he can be,i didn't mind waiting my turn for his attention. but when he joined me almost an hour later, he asked what i was doing there. i knew then that he had forgotten our meeting.

the other guy turned up just as i was about to leave, two hours after the time we agreed to meet. don't you think he was the sweetest guy ever to turn up just so that he can see me leave? sigh! i don't want to ask for much because i know they are the world's busiest people but i really felt stupid seating there, waiting for........i don't even know what. why do i bother? they are the sweetest guys i know but for the two years (almost) that i have known them, i have always been the one that initiated our meetings...........maybe it's because of my lack of sleep today but i feel really tired. and i keep asking myself, why do i bother? we carried on like normal yesterday but i just can't erase the hurt i feel.

i don't know anymore. is this normal? is this the way life works? maybe to them it's a casual arrangement, and if you are there, you are. if you are not, there is always next week. suddenly, i feel like i'm imposing. maybe time has caused us to drift apart.....and i should just let go. maybe i'm making too big a deal out of the whole thing but i just can't forget how stupid i felt sitting there, trying to look busy.....waiting for...... what again? maybe a little text message to explain why they never turn up would have suffice....but it seems i am never accorded that simple consideration. i sometimes wonder if i matter to them at all. i spent a many happy hours just talking to them.....but maybe it's time to move on.

dream, dream, dream

after seeing 1 entire korean series (ya lah, i watch it, see-lai mah) in 4 days, i am now dreaming........dreaming of a real man.
.
.
.
sorry, floating off again to my dreams. what i will like to know is if there is any real man out there? the types that fairy tales are made out of. no, not those wimpy prince charming type that is so effeminate. my goodness, picking up women's shoes and wearing it for them. ergggghh! or those tai kor gangster type. too much bloodshed for me.

i want those that are brimming with confidence, with a slight touch of arrogance. i think confidence is so sexy. of course, that means they must have qualities that make them justifiably so. not those self-centered idiots out there who is over-confident for the wrong reasons and believe that the whole world is in love with them (whilst having the looks of a monkey's behind. erm....you would think that i have somebody in mind with such vehement opinions but i'm not directing it at anybody in particular).

i love guys who push you against the wall / lift / whatever is convenient and gives you a good hard kiss when you least expected it. or those that grab you by the hand and pulls you to a private corner / wherever he wants to go for a quiet talk when things go bad. men who is not afraid of arguing in the public or telling the world that he loves you. who doesn't take no for an answer or gives up after several tries. when you have a fight and refuses to talk to him...you know the types that give up after several tries and then say "YOU don't want to talk to me mah"......grrrrrr! get some balls. women want you to try harder. it's just to show us that we really mean a lot.

i don't care if he never opens the door for me or pulls out the chair. i want someone who never think twice about standing up for me. who calls me his woman and whom will never fall into temptation (because he has no regards for anyone else). who doesn't ask for the first kiss but just takes it. who knows what he wants and how to get it. and puhlease, not those type who have nothing better to do than to attend to you everyday of the week. a man who is serious about his career is very .....*swoon* sexy. but then again, not the workaholic types. with those, you never know which comes first, you or the work.

those that are not afraid of telling you how they feel about you, whatever the consequences. i mean if they can't even own up to their own feelings, how much of a man can they be? love doesn't always have to equal into relationship.

i like men to take the lead, as long as he knows where he wants to lead me to. to take what he wants and never apologising for it. and never to wear his love on his sleeve or mouth. because you know, in the end, he has you in the heart and whatever he says or do, it is because of you.

these are not meant at men-bashing, so please don't get offended, but is merely the opinion of this woman. the dreams and secret desire of one woman, who does not represent the whole female population.

a pinch of this, a pinch of that

who the hell invented the alarm clock?!! if i ever find out, i'll curse his (notice that i'm assuming it's a he!) 18 generations of ancestors. they are never very popular, this contraption that mankind invented to make a helluva noise in order to wake up the dead.

what has it done to deserve my wrath? on weekdays, when it goes off at 6:45am, i am already not too pleased. still i tolerate, with veiled contempt for that thing. but this morning, when i was just in the middle of the sweetest dream ever (don't ask me what the dream was, ok? i'll plead temporary amnesia), the bugger had to go off. give me a break. i haven't had a beautiful dream like this for months....maybe even years. one that will still bring a smile to my lips when i think about it (what? what? i dunno what the dream was about!) when life gets you down and you escape into your dreams, the devil sent its representative to make sure you don't get that temporary reprieve. tried as i might, i couldn't go back to my dreams. sigh!

i must go consult mr lo, the fortune teller this week. there seems to be something wrong in the way the stars and moons are aligned. (changed topic already lah, for those still in the blur) or maybe it's just my mind. after my post last week on unhappiness, i'm sensing more people are down with the misery bug. ah pek sounds tired of living (yim sai), siau cha bor has gone on a hiatus, nine3 nine4 also takes time off to sort things out, wingz have allowed lin peh to take over his website, lin peh has gone mute and is just posting pictures instead of talking, min is suffering from contemplative disorder and 5xmom posted something really shocking (which added to my depression but thanks for opening my eyes). er, feels like this misery bug is spreading faster than the avian flu or the hfm in sarawak. or maybe it's just the weather.

ok, time to jump to another topic. if i seem to flit restlessly from one topic to another, it's because i have many things on my mind today. hence the title today "a pinch of this, a pinch of that". bear with me.

imagine this scenario: you are with a group of friends and is suddenly approached by another individual; be it male or female. this new person knows one of your friends and sits down to chat. he/she seems very nice and is actually quite attractive, full of confidence and flair. suddenly the topic of age comes up and this new individual says to you, "so, how old do you think i am?". shit! you have just been placed on the table! die-die situation.

there is no winner to this question, my friends. it's not too difficult to guess the correct age, in the ballpark at least. there are always tell-tale signs; like the hands, the neck, the tenacity or tautness of the skin, the little wrinkle marks and the general condition of the skin. but it's the correct answer to give that's the difficult part. if you understate the age by a lot, you are just insulting the person by saying that he/she is immature for his age. if you overstate, you are saying that they look too old. if you guess correctly, you are saying that they have not been taking care of themselves and do not look better than their age group. nobody wins in a situation like this.....so the best answer to give is........."er, i need to go to the toilet."

people, you have been warned!

eh......can you please slow down?

what the ...............??!!!

i have been caught in a hit and run. it took me completely by surprise and it happened so fast. i took great care to note down the number plate immediately. it was 2006 and the thing that hit me was TIME.

i was happily going about my own business when i realised that time flew past me, at breakneck speed. i looked up and just managed to catch the glimpse of 2006's new year. sigh! in fact, i barely got over 2005's christmas. hey! i didn't even had a chance to revel in the 12 days of christmas. you know, the one where he is supposed to bring the drummers, pipers, maids, swans, french hens, turtle doves, partridge in a pear tree and whatever else. after my first christmas gift from leng chai, i waited and waited for the other 11. what would you know? it never came. maybe that's what distracted me from the flow of events. i was still waiting for the 11 gifts when someone told me it's already 14days into the lunar new year. and i didn't even have time to enjoy the christmas tree that i had painstakingly put up!

after christmas, quick on its' heels came new year . ok, fine, i'm adaptable.....so out goes the christmas tree and bring out the kazoos, party hats and poppers. i'm set for a countdown. maybe i can get to kiss some unsuspecting cute guys out there at the stroke of midnight. but before i have a chance to say 9...8....7...6.....new year was over!!!! hey, slow down a little, ok?

then came chinese new year, kor-kor's birthday, leng chai's birthday and now the first quarter of 2006 is nearly gone. help! someone....anyone......i'm drowning here, being sucked up by the quicksand called time. ok....so, maybe i am a liiiiitle bit slow in catching up with the festivities......and maybe it takes me a little time to warm up. but i never realised that by the time i actually manage to get in the mood for each ocassion, it has actually passed me by. when people are celebrating easter next month and hunting for all those yummy chocolate eggs, i may just be going out to get my saree for deepavali.

maybe i should start planning now for halloween in october.....then i will be just in the mood when the time comes. why stop there? i may as well get ready for 2007! throw away all the 2006 diaries and calendars now and change them with 2007's. so, when the new year actually comes, i'll be going like, "what took you so long? i was prepared 9 months ago?"

a little like my birthdays, i guess. at the start of this year, i convince myself that i am already 35 (yes, people, i am going to be 35 this year. no smirk remarks now) and so, when i actually turn 35 in september, i'll be like......"har? i thought i was 35 9 months ago. now only turn 35 ah?" i actually feel much younger! reverse pyschology, it works!!!

anyway, back to my story. i have just got used to dating cheques 2006 instead of 2005 (people who have been receiving cheques dated 2005 from me, stop screaming at me. i just need time to get used to it. you'll get cheques dated 2006 next year, don't worry.)

i want to enjoy each ocassion and festivities as they come and bask in the warm feelings that they bring. i want to appreciate each moment and store it for my memories. but how can i do that if you don't slow down? so people, if you see me wearing raya clothes in a christmas party, party hats for moon lantern festival, or holding lanterns for valentine, you know i am still desperately trying to catch up with that mean thing called TIME.

that little blue bird of happiness

i have a question. how many of us can say that we are happy? not necessarily ecstatic or even elated but just plain vanilla happy. behind all this smiling mask that we all wear in order to carry on our daily life, how many amongst us can really look in the mirror and say "hey, i am happy".

of late, i've been meeting more and more people who have grievances, regrets, unhappiness and anger locked away in their hearts. others are just empty or lost, searching for something but not quite knowing what. we are presently in a society that gives us unsurpassed prosperity. never had the world economy been so developed, so prosperous and grown so much. recession or not, the world as a whole is much more developed than ever before. graduates now are earning more than 10 to 20 years ago. conglomerates now are on a bigger scale than the last decade. we can now afford holidays, luxury goods and leisure whilst our ancestors were too busy sweating their buns off to just make ends meet. the word 'holiday' or 'leisure' was so alien to them that going home earlier was in itself a luxury.

so, why are we still so unhappy? why is the divorced and suicidal rate higher than before? we have more......but we are still desperately looking for something.......satisfaction? confidence? fulfillment? ego? acceptance? all of us bloggers, are we trying to hide from something in the real world by spending so much of our time in this imaginary world? or are we trying to find something here? something that is elusive in the real world.

everybody that i meet, friends from all walks of life........is trying to tell me their unhappy side. i feel so much for them. if i could have only one skill in life, i wish i have the ability to make people happy.

it wasn't that bad

i need to quickly write on something...anything. just to cover the previous entry so that it is not so obvious, not so glaring. hide it amongst a mountain of other posts. then, if x (or his friend) happens to browse through one day, he will not be tempted to thrash my hide.

i cannot sleep again last night.

i am so exhausted; brain running on auto-mode. kena played by chee mui 2 times.....damn tired. (erm....why is it that every entry of mine can be interpreted in another way?)

she got me so psyched out that what was supposed to be a normal lunch turns out to be a countdown to execution. i did not particularly look foward to it but i did not regard it as the bubonic plague. i guess i have less issues to deal with than her and i am more comfortable in my own skin. or maybe it's because i don't give a damn about what people think about me. however, spending time with her prior to that escalated the whole thing to a more suspenseful level until i ended up with a splitting headache. i had to resist the temptation to reach into my bag for that panadol.

all in all, everything went quite well. once again, the conversation flowed quite smoothly without the need of much input from me. it was more comfortable this time, maybe it's because someone close was with me. i take comfort in the familiarity. no. 6 should have felt closer, since we had dated a long time ago, but there wasn't any feeling at all. but then again, we didn't date for long. it's nice to meet up with old friends and catch up on what happened in between....but after the second time, there isn't much to talk about, is there? we have all gone our own way and things have moulded us into different people. we don't have much in common anymore. but memories....that's what life is all about, isn't it? memories of good old times. :-)

that witch!

you know what really infuriates me?

there is a *%&$#@! bitch (yes man, forget about the ladylike image. you just have to call a spade as it is) out there who is going around on her own self-righteous way and is moving on with her daily life whilst some people are waiting for her to pay up for services rendered (hey, you guys out there with alternative images of services rendered popping up immediately in your heads, it's not those type, ok? so, squish those visuals in your head and listen to the story quietly)

this elderly woman in in her 60s is soft-spoken and appears as a devoted grandmother to everybody's eyes. beware! whilst i don't want to jump to the conclusion that underneath she is a scheming, conniving, cheating bitch, she appears to portray that very well on her own. ok, let me tell the tale and you guys can judge for yourself.

my friend, x (he's going to kill me when he reads this!) rendered some services to this woman (hey guys! quit those x-rated images already!), whom we shall call mrs a (as far away from him in the alphabet as possible). as far as i know, x is a person who is really devoted to his work and always give his very best. so, after all has been said and done, mrs a does a disappearing act. david copperfield would have been proud of her! despite numerous phone calls and text messages, she refuses to respond, giving some cock and bull story about paying only when she receives settlement from elsewhere (something that is totally irrelevant to his services).

meanwhile, x is faced with demands for payments from creditors for the same services rendered to mrs a. caught in between, x offers mrs a staggered payments and alternative arrangements. x is open to anything, as long as mrs a is willing to come out from the hiding (damn! she's better than saddam hussein!) and discuss about it. but does she give any reply to that? noooooo! she has apparently sewn her mouth shut.

this is where my blood bubbles a little; not quite to the point of boiling but getting there. he's a decent chap, looking for an honest living and working his butt off (eh! not reference to the type of services rendered, ok??!!) and behaving in the most gentlemanly manner as he always have and this woman totally abused it. perhaps he was a little naive in not asking for progressive payments along the way but it only goes to show how trusting his nature is. and damn it, she was supposed to be a friend of the family. it is people like that who spoil our belief in the goodness of the human nature.

mrs a just could not bother to entertain poor x. attempts to see her were fielded by the maid (ya lah, they still have the services of a maid and live in a posh area but cannot afford to pay up. sigh!) so, after weeks of futile efforts, he goes up to her office to look for her / her sons. lo and behold! they were not around (wah! what a surprise! probably was sneeking out quietly through the back entrance). so, x told the secretary that mrs a & family owed him for the services and has been unable to locate her. if possible, could she please inform them. pretty normal, right? well, it appears that this is a big no no in her books. that set her off! she texted back and scolded him for being immature and not doing the right thing. erm......you mean, not paying is the correct thing and telling others about that fact is not???!!! where did this woman go to school? oops, i was wrong to presume that she is educated at all.

she had the nerves to turn the table and call him uneducated! he is behaving in a way more civilised way than that monkey. he replied decently but pointing out that she did not reply to his attempts to contact her. aiyoh! that set off another time bomb! she gave so many excuses, all the while calling him more and harsher names! my dear mrs a, if i can talk to you, i will let you know that x is being more decent than i would have been if i were in his shoes.i would have probably sold the debt to those debt collection agency (you know, the types with very big ear holes). x is the one of the nicest and sweetest person i know (damn cute too by the way. sorry girls, stop drooling, he's already taken). sigh! if his being young is the only reason he misjudged your character, then he should have got prescription glasses to see you for the witch that you are. how can you justify what you do and at the same time insult people. after further texts insulting him, which i won't bother to repeat here, she actually called! she probably took in a deep breath before she started, because she went on and on and on and on, without giving him a chance to say anything. she ended it by calling him a bastard and slammed down the phone. at this point, my blood boiled.

putting x aside for the moment, there is the matter of the other creditors too. hey, these people need to eat and feed their families. do you think that your 1 project will not cause them much harm? you know that for a fact because......you are God? you interviewed all of those to whom you are owing and their family members? what? what is the point of not paying up? do you get a speciall thrill that makes you tingle inside, knowing that you have denied hardworking individuals of their right to their claims. are you presently basking in the middle of the satisfaction created from the services rendered, knowing that you got all those for free? do you give a little laugh in the middle of your sleep knowing that you have put one over them? look in your soul and justify your actions. all those crap about services incompetent and exorbitant prices, you know damn well they are just excuses. i'm sure all prices were discussed prior to commencement and i know for a fact about their quality of services. as for the imcompleteness, do you really expect x to complete the minor insignificant loose ends now that he knows getting payments from you is next to impossible. you must really take him for an idiot. the amazing thing about all this is i believe she has really convinced herself that she is in the right.

the reason i had to write this is because each time i think of her, i just get so angry. but since taking her out and skinning her alive is not an option, i can only write about it here. yes, yes, none of my damn business. but nice people should not be taken advantage of.

so, if there are any bad paymasters among you people out there, please think of feelings other than your own. if mrs a resembles someone you know, please tell her she is a witch and give her a good kick in the behind for me.

baaaaa

i could not sleep last night.

so it got me thinking, who was the person who thought of the counting sheeps method? probably some western pyschoanalyst with an animal fettish. ok, those who have actually tried that method and have really fallen asleep, please raise your hand. well, let me tell those of you who are nodding their heads vigorously to support the theory, you have been fooled! you would have fallen asleep in a matter of seconds if you did nothing anyway.

come on people, it is impossible to fall asleep counting sheeps. the scenario in my head went like this:

the first sheep happily hopped along to the hurdle, hesitated, looked around a little and then jumped over the hurdle. ta dah! i can almost hear you guys saying "there! there! can what!". wait! that was only the first one. he had a little of a personality problem and is afraid of voicing out his opinions, so he usually does as he is told.

second sheep came along and followed the first happily. same to the 3rd, 4th and5th. these are the trend-followers (much like the 'see-lai's that enter the stock market when everybody shouts buy). by the time the 6th one turned up, he refused to dance to the same steps (he is black by the way). he just stood there and bleated in protest. i had to use all my imaginative willpower to throw him over the hurdles (notice that it is a 'he' and not a 'she').

seeing the commotion, the 7th one refused to appear. i went in and dragged his skinny ass out and threw him over the hurdle as well. the 8th one was a big huge grandfather goat. so, well, i couldn't very well do that (respect the elderly and all that, you know). so i had to use reasoning, "come on, pretty please, look, if you don't jump over the hurdle, i can't count you and then i can't go to sleep. you have to do this....for the sake of the theory....for the sake of humanity....and for the sake of all the other sheeps. i finally got him to agree ( i had to throw in a bribe of some bales of straws) but all the other sheeps had to gather around and help this old goat to climb the hurdles (he couldn't jump as he had bad knees).

now that the 8th one was across, i looked around for the 9th one. well! he was sitting under a shady tree with his laptop on his juicy thighs, happily blogging away and letting out a cheeky laugh every now and then.

i think that was the one that broke my back. i gave up. i cannot even begin to imagine the problems that i will encounter with the other sheeps that were waiting for me in the pen. i rather stay awake!

with all those going on in my head, how can i fall asleep?!