a virtue forsaken

patience is a virtue.

yes, we have often been reminded that, even from young. good things come to those who wait….….blah, blah, blah. as you can see, i don’t even have the patience to finish that sentence.

strange. i’ve never thought of myself as impatient. short-tempered maybe, but even that has mellowed as i age. lately, however, i notice that i have a tendency to rush through everything. if my computer can speak, it will tell of the cussing and ‘accidental’dents that it has received for its’ sometimes temperamental and slow performance.

the first that went, i think, was probably my handwriting. i have forgotten exactly when my beautiful penmanship has degenerated into a time-rushed physician-like scribble. heck, even my 5-year-old’s handwriting looks better than mine. maybe i have the makings of a doctor! anyway, hence i no longer send letters via snail mail, or even pen memos for that matter. the keyboard has saved me a lot of harassment and hassle from weak-eyed pathetic individuals.

everything else came in a rush. my speech rushing to catch up with the speed of the train. even during my secondary and university years, the teachers had to constantly remind me to read at a more leisurely pace. hell, i can’t be held responsible for those slow-brained people listening. they have got to learn to buck up and catch up with the flow! professors are not excluded as well. *ahem!* it would have been nice if i had the courage to tell them so in their face then, and not just nod meekly.

cleaning and beauty rituals are not excluded. i believe spending five minutes making the same circles around my face in the exact same spot will not make it any cleaner than a 30-seconds super-turbo enhanced wash. standing under the shower for 45 minutes will not make me smell any nicer either, so why bother? if you've already washed all the nooks and crooks, you've already washed it! get out of the shower already!! forget about the massaging part, creams are literally just slathered on and left there to dry whilst i go about my other stuffs.

i used to enjoy reading novels, all curled up on the couch with a drink and a good book. now i speed read and skip all the 'non-essentials'. flip, flip, flip.......forget about all that description of the scenery, let's get on with it. not kissing her yet? flip, flip, flip some more. just like when i watch korean series on dvds. you know how slow those romantic lovey-dovey scenes can be, right? i can keep my finger on that darn fast-forward button for 15 minutes straight and the handsome actor hasn't even muster the courage to tell the girl he loves her. sheesh! i don't know why i still watch them.

eating is the other thing. i really don’t see why i have to chew one mouthful a hundred times if my stomach is suppose to be doing the digesting into molecules anyway. should i be spoiling that lazy insolent thing? most days, i finish my meals way before others and i sit idly by, twiddling my thumbs as they are still patiently munching on their food. the hot steaming soups are the worst but still, in it goes in a gulp.the roof of my mouth is so used to scalding by now. recently i've realised that my shoulder muscles are most tensed when i'm shoving spoonfuls into my mouth. stressed even whilst eating? help! i really need therapy!!

where am i rushing to? i don't really know. i will like to slow down. i really would.....but i can't. maybe there are just too many things i will like to do and they just can't wait. too many things to try. too many places to see. to many food to eat.

sorry, i have to rush off now for the next thing on my agenda..