for my dearest friend

this is for you, my dear friend......

i have known you for the longest time and we have seen each other through many things. we have grown up together but our friendship has remained steadfast and loyal. i understand how you feel now....but i don't know if i can make you see the light.

i know you are feeling lost and useless at the moment. but you are never that. to your family, to your child and to your friends, you have always been there for us. life is not measured by how much you have achieved economically or how high you have climbed in the business world. none of this will matter in the end.

you are lost because you have always been living for others. first, it was for your family. granted, all of us have to go through the stage where we do the things that our family wants for us. then it was for that useless excuse of a husband. now, you live for your child and to fill the gap in your life, you are using 'him' as your latest distraction. deep down, you should know...he is not what you need. he is just a tool that you are using to focus your energy and attention.

you don't need a man to make your life complete. yes, it will be wonderful to have a pair of warm loving hands to hold you at night. that should be the icing on the cake....not the cake itself.

find yourself and what you want to achieve in life. look for your passion. the thing that makes you want to jump out of bed everyday and have the energy to sustain your spirit for the rest of the day. the thing that makes you look forward to the dawn of each new day. that thing cannot and should not be a man.....don't you think that it sounds wrong? you should be living for yourself.

most of us are lost - from the most successful datuk in the boardroom to the dreamy salesgirl standing in the shop. we do not know what we want from life and we spend our whole life searching. for those who are born with a passion, i consider them truly lucky, for they know which direction they should move towards. for the rest of us, we wander around until we chance across it....or until our time is up.

look into yourself and understand yourself. at the end of the day, you will have to answer only to you. when everything is said and done, and your soul ask you "have you done what you want out of this life?"......how do you want to answer?

you don't have to be the most successful working woman. you don't have to be best mum. you don't have to achieve recognition. but you have to answer to yourself...what do you want from this life?

i know you are thinking of working for your friend - but this is another distraction in your life and you will not last long. because this is not your passion. this is to fill your time and ego...so that others won't think so badly of you for not having a stable job. fuck them! don't live your life for others. all your charity work, shopping, hobbies, man-hunting.....they are just something for you to fill your time until you find what you are looking for.

some of us may be contented to be drifting for the rest of our life. from one target to the next. it doesn't matter. as long as you are happy. truly happy. if what you are going to do will not bring you joy, why bother? not everybody is able to have the time and luxury of pursuing their passion in life...you can, so take advantage of it.

don't compare yourself with others. what works for one may not be your cup of tea. for some, corporate boardroom brings them satisfaction and purpose in life. for you, i think you will wilt. just like no one can replace your position in our heart, don't replace other people's life with your own.

maybe if you ask yourself......what makes you really happy?