the power of speech

you know what is the most scary?

no, not those transparent floaty thingy that you may bump into in the middle of the night. nor the threat of nuclear weapons from the third world countries. or that hole that is leaking all the harmful rays into our atmosphere.

i just realise today that the most evil power lies within us - our power of speech. with a few sentences, we have the ability to change an individual's life. or for that matter, what we choose not to say will also affect another. some harsh words, or some unkind remarks - can they drive a depressed individual over the bend? there is always the last straw that broke the camel's back; could you have uttered them to an acquaintance in a hurry?

"eh, you look quite fat nowadays" - is that enough to make a self-conscious woman go on an anorexic binge? mothers, did you say to your daughter, "why do you always look so messy? where got anyone want you like that?". will that drive the stake into your daughter's low self-esteem and drive her to look for harmful ways to gain her pride back? "you know, i saw your husband with another woman in a restaurant today" - will that cause an irrepairable break in a suspicious wife's marriage? all these words; uttered in the most innocent way but they may still cut like a sharp knife.

i have a friend who felt most depressed when people ask her the very usual question "what do you do for a living?". for people who don't understand her situation and her fears, they are intent on satisfying their curiosity. but to her, it is a constant reminder that she is not a valuable contribution to the economy, playing on her sadness and insecurities. what do those people gain by asking her that? what good will that knowledge do to them? then, why ask? why not say "you are really a very good mother" or "i like you because you are so sincere".

what harm would a few kind words do? a "you look nice today". or a "thank you for being there for me". even a "you are a good friend". they make a person feel so good and brighten someone's day. isn't it nice to feel appreciated, loved and wanted? doesn't all of us seek recognition and attention?

i nearly caused 'world war 3' today in a friend's household. some words - said in the very best of intention - was nearly misconstrued because i didn't know the fears and feelings of the person listening. i managed to turn the thing around as soon as i realise the effect of what i was saying. but it left me thinking....either i should have expressed myself more clearly or i should have kept my mouth shut. then again, if something had happened because i chose not to say what i know, i can never live it down either.

interaction - there is just so much room for misunderstanding. i am more comfortable here - talking to no one in particular and yet opening up my true self and my thoughts to all of you.

by the way, i truly appreciate your taking the time to read this, my friends of the blogosphere. have a good day.

wrong number lah!

a friendly chat with.....a friend lah, who else....brought me back to the world again. for this, i thank you, i. i know now, to fight this and to keep my head up high, i must take it easy, for this is going to be a long marathon. at the end of the day, i want to be there for her and i must keep my sanity for me to walk through this with her.

hmmmm.....which leads me to also ponder, since i did not say anything so inspirational to me, how did i suddenly catch a glimpse of this higher understanding? never mind, as long as i now understand.

the first sign that i am back is that i was annoyed at the phone call that i received this morning.

ok, now, it's the regular 'tips of the day - from ms lenglui' time. putting money into your pocket, so listen carefully and learn from my mistake. for those of you who are thinking of moving and planning to get a new telephone line, or those of you getting a new number just to run away from moneylenders...or those of you whose anal region is suffering from itchiness and plans to get a new number for the fun of it, be careful of the number that you choose.

by logic, if the opportunity presents itself, most of you will choose a favourite number, or at the very least a number that is very easy to remember. so did i. for the sake of presenting an example, let's say i chose 56788880. before i continue with my story, let me advise you not to call that number looking for ms lenglui. there is no ms lenglui (my dad was not dumb enough to burden my whole life by giving me such a silly name) and i cannot be reached at this number. nevertheless, you can still try to call that number pretending to look for me and chat up whoever picks up the phone....just make sure that it is not a line to the nearest looney house or the morgue first.

ok, let's not get too far from the story (oooo, i love telling stories). i thought all my friends would find it very easy to remember my number (ahem, and thus, enhance my popularity....when you are in trouble, who do you call?......56788880. like ghostbusters. easy mah).

sigh! reality is always a far cry from imagination, huh? nope, i didn't receive more calls from my friends; they all contact me by my handphone - always have, i just failed to realise that. but i now receive more calls from very rude strangers.

eh, hello ah, can you give me the barcode for that..........bla bla bla. my mind shut off immediately.
hello, this is XXX company hor? can i speak to Yvonne? nevermind that i answered 'no' to the first question, she was still waiting for me to transfer the line. nearly wanted to ask her to hold......for a very long time. *wicked smile*.

and the faxes that i have been receiving....quotes for god knows what products.....invoices......inventory list.....haiyah! i can sell all this to your competitors, do you know that, people?

the problem is, i get calls meant for 56788800, 56788801, 56788802.....all the way to 56788809. can you imagine? when callers are in a hurry and they press an extra '8', all the calls are directed to me. sigh!

sometimes, i am tempted to answer the phone with 'hello, you have reached the pyschic line. we know that you have dialled the wrong number. please try again' (i know before i answer because they are those whose numbers i don't recognise). but that will only bring more of those weirdos back.

and so i have to live with it.....until i move again, that is, if i ever do. meanwhile, folks, do me a favour. count the number of '8's when you dial. sigh!

a friend asked "how do you feel?"

today is a beautiful sunny day..........but she still lies there, unaware of the passing day...or me. for her, i gather the courage every morning to see her but my heart is heavy and my feets are like lead.

everytime i look at her, i am reminded of how i have failed her. i should have been there more for her, to hold her hands and listen to her stories. i thought i had.....but only now i learn that it had not been enough. i hold my head in shame.

i listened but i did not hear. i met her but i did not see her. i told everybody to be appreciative of those around them.....but i did not walk the talk.

what emotions go through you when you lose your dearest friend?

anger....for the silly event of things that caused me to lose someone so close.

sadness.....for not being able to talk to her ever again *sob*

regret........for the things not said or done. your brain turns the last meeting and last words exchanged over and over in the mind, dissecting each word and phrase....wishing more was said and wanting to take back some of the things that should have not been said.

i have put my life on hold, waiting for her to come back.....but so many things are demanding attention. i find it hard to cope. i gingerly put one step forward to move on.....but i feel so guilty. i feel like i am leaving her behind.

when i laugh, when i have a good time, when i carry on with my normal life...i feel guilty. when i do the things that i usually do with her, i am faced with a phobia of some kind. it feels different.

so...this is how it feels like to lose someone dear.

do you believe in miracles?

*taking a deep breath*......frankly, i don't. because it has never happened to me. i have never come across anyone parting the sea or relatives with incurable disease suddenly walking away with a clean health of bill. i have heard many many such stories but i have never been fortunate enough to be blessed with it...and so i don't believe in miracles.

but now, i have to. to believe in it blindly. for how else can i continue with my life? if i were to believe that there is no light at the end of the tunnel and that all that i am doing is useless, how can i go on facing what lies ahead of me? if there is no more her in my life, how can i live with the emptiness and memories?

in half an hour, the story of my life has been turned upside down. i have always considered myself very fortunate, with no big dramatic upsets in my life to unsettle it. i have never had to go through any big trials and tribulations and for that i have always been appreciative and thankful. i don't see myself as a strong person and i don't believe that i can weather through difficult times. but i have no choice now.

nobody can shelter me from the pain and hurt that i feel. nobody can bring her back to me. nobody can erase my tears when everything that i see around me brings back memories of her. i just want to curl up and hide under my pillow, until everything is over. but it will never be the same again. without her, i feel empty. like i am in a fiction story, i keep waiting to wake up from this dream.....

some days, i feel calmer and i want to write my feelings, to leave it here and not bring it with me when i see her. to leave it here so that i can continue with my life, which i have kept on hold. i keep myself busy so that i have no time to reminiscence about all our memories together. but when you have such a long history, the slightest things will trigger it off. my body has trouble keeping up with my mind, which runs to that lonely place every opportunity that i am free.

i have been though hell and back. some days, they give me such bad news, dooming all my hopes and on other days, she gives me a glimmer of optimism. it is a very cruel cycle.

but when i look into her eyes, i forget everything, except how good it feels to be able to talk to her. how good it feels to be able to just stand next to her and stroke her hair.

and when i look into her eyes, i believe in miracles.

siaran tergendala

thank you ah pek, for being so concerned. i don't mean to put you through this, especially since i know how you guys are so worried about scb. i can't blog for now ....i want to....to put all my thoughts and unhappiness here. but i can't, for reason that i also can't share.

i'm ok and i will be back.

take care.

thoughts for today

argggghhhhh! today is another frustrating day.....so be prepared to listen to me vent my steam.

as a follow-up to my post on the stupid services of astro, i received their monthly bill today. i am sure you will not be in the least surprised to hear that they have charged me for the non-existent box office movie that i purportedly tried to subscribe last month.

i called to complain and had to endure their "you have 7 phone calls ahead of you" - which i had promised myself the last time that i will never put myself through again. when it was finally my turn, i gave them all the relevant information.......and they passed me to another department, where i had to repeat everything i said. this young chap picked up, by which time i was steaming, and i gave him all my details - with my temper hanging on by a thin thread. when he claimed that i did activate the box office subscription, i exploded and gave him a piece of my mind, my voice rising slightly with each word of the whole story that i had to repeat. in the end, i think i frightened him into reversing the charge.

we shall see in next month's bill.

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i don't know how i manage to do it. yesterday, i ended up waiting for 3 people to get back to my messages...well, 4 to be exact. and....nada. zilch. total silence.

i sent out text messages to 2 people........and they never came back with any reply. don't you just hate to be on the waiting end? it kind of keeps your life on limbo. i started to wonder whether maxis' system was working efficiently or for some unknown reason, my friends are avoiding me. since i manage to receive messages from other people.....could it be the latter reason?

i called one of them today....and he gave me some excuse about the message not getting in. is maxis boycotting me? i think not. anyway, we talked and managed to come to an agreement about our plans - faster than any number of sms would.

people seem to think that texting is the most convenient invention for the handphone. i think it is a burden of mankind. it keeps you guessing about the reaction of the other party and also restricts what you have to say to a limited number of words. having said that, i am also guilty of over-relying on it.

i was supposed to call the 3rd person but i texted him instead, saying that i will call him at a later date. he called the very next day but it was not a good time for me to chat. so, he told me that he will call me again.....that was 3 days ago.

another friend promised he will call me....but after waiting for several months, i decided to call him instead. he told me that he has lost his handphone some time ago and my number with it.....hmmmm......i seem to be on the receiving end of a lot of excuses.........is it me..or is it them?

time to do some soul-searching..........

wait....don't go; part II

i feel i need to add another word or two; consider this as a post script to the earlier entry. maybe i have put the wrong empasis on the subject but i did not mean to rant on and on about the food.
i meant to portray my feelings of hopelessness and disorientation - when time has moved on but left me behind. when things around you keep changing, but you have not changed.......

you want to hold whatever you treasure firmly in your hand....but you are only grasping at the air......for all things change and that is the only constant in your life.

no matter how good a thing may be......things will change....and life will go on.

i wish to only ask for a little keepsake to remember all the good memories by.

wait...don't go.

life is a series of constant change.

for someone like me who is slow to adapt, that is perhaps the hardest part. just as i am finding my place in the whole state of affairs, everything changes and i have to start all over again.

do you have a favourite restaurant or food stall? i have several, in fact. many years ago, you can find me at my favourite food stall every weekend, with my yummilicious 'yee mee special' - so termed because of the extra ingredients. the soup was so sweet but it did not leave you gasping for water as the cook did not use msg to sweeten the stock. every since i have discovered this delicious version of the normal yee mee, i savoured the taste faithfully at every opportunity that i could get. then one day, after being in maternity confinement for one month, i was shocked to learn that he has disappeared. i had no way of finding out where he went or what happened to him. i could only continue my unfulfilled craving for that very special yee mee in my mind.

last month i discovered that my favourite balinese beef rice has also closed down. with no warning whatsoever - ok, maybe i should have paid more attention to those quiet empty tables but i have always considered it as ambiance. where, where am i going to look for its parallel?

the carrot cake stall that i have mentioned in an earlier post has also closed down for renovation, temporarily, i hope.

i dread the day that my favourite char kway teow and curry laksa will also do the disappearing trick on me. i know that nothing stays the same...but when you have found what you consider to be the very best and have spend your whole life taking only the finest, how do you move on? everything else will pale by comparison and taste bland.

when my mind craves for that very special dish, when my saliva drools in anticipation, what can i do? what am i supposed to do? when nothing else will do but that particular one, how can i appease my soul?

so, a note to all my favourite cooks, please have a thought for all your loyal followers. you leave us roaming like wandering ghouls when you move on, with no direction and motivation. we adapt to what we are left with, but nothing will ever be able to compare. at the very least, leave me your phone number so that i can come a-knocking on your door when i crave for your delectable treat.

sob!

i learned something new today

everybody knows that having a big breakfast is very good for your body. but do you know why? ahhhhhh.... today let me enlighten you.

like most bloggers, i start my day by going through the other blogger's entries. as i have been mia for a few days, i have quite a lot to catch up. i went through the usual list.......and do you know what i realised? damn! everybody was talking about food! from seng kor's RM544 wahyu beef sandwich to helen's yummilicious pastries. after tempting me with chocolates from heaven, may posted more pictures of the torta cinzia she baked. so cruellllll!.

there goes my diet. as i could not have access to those saliva-drooling food, i had to contend with rummaging for a pack of jack n jill potato chips, imagining as i bite that each piece was a portion of helen's delicious siu pau. it doesn't help that my over-active imagination can actually 'smell' those wonderful aroma. damn! my mouth is watering again.

so, the first lesson in blogging....have a big hearty breakfast before you surf the blogosphere. otherwise your steel hard resolution will definitely break down and you will head for the nearest source of food.

dedicated to my puppy love

i wrote the following many decades ago, and today i dig it up to share with you.......

His eyes are dark brown, with a hint of mischievous glint twinkling in its depths. When he smiles, his charisma appeals to all ages of the opposite sex. He mixes boyish charm with gentlemanly demeanor.

I met him when I was just a young naive girl studying alone overseas. It was the trend then for parents who could afford it to send their children abroad for education. Perhaps the absence of a protective figure brought me even closer to him. He was unlike other boys of his age who were rowdy and annoying. He had a sensible and romantic approach to life that made him very different and attractive.

I first noticed him in the corridor of the school. It was very early in the morning; the sky was still that dark shade of gray. I was with my cousin when a boy walked past, smiled and made a gesture with his hands. I cannot remember what he meant that morning so long ago, but I will always remember how he looked so shy and how the twinkle in his eyes seemed to say so much. The attraction began then.

I learned later that he was my cousin’s classmate and he was keen to know me better. Me? The little girl who knew nothing about the ways of the world or the intricacies of relationships. His interest alone was very flattering. From there, our friendship blossomed. Things moved very fast. However, he was always the patient, loving and romantic boy I met the first day. He was the answer to every girl’s dreams.

His classes were in the morning and mine was in the afternoon. Although we did not have the opportunity to meet up every day, we communicated by letters that we enlisted the help of friends to transmit. Our puppy love grew and our understanding of each other slowly deepened. I remembered being afraid then that our friendship will not last -- that this puppy love would not lead to something more permanent. He spent days after days reassuring me of his feelings. His intention was so honorable that it touched my heart. Never would I have guessed that the feelings would have been etched so deep that I would still have such a vivid impression after all these years.

I discovered one day that a close friend of mine was also enamoured of him. I really could not blame her because I know how special he is. I considered dropping out of the relationship so that they will have the opportunity to begin. Maybe I was just giving excuses then to terminate the relationship. Why would I want to stop something so precious and sweet? It stems from my insecurities. Even months after we have started our beautiful relationship, I could not believe the fact that he would want someone so plain and simple as I. I was so afraid that it will not last and that pain will inevitably follow. However, he held fast to his feelings. He reassured me that no one else mattered in our relationship - all that counts is his feelings for me. It was the most touching prove of his affections. Again and again he proved his devotion, without faltering in his commitment to me and smoothed away all insecurities I had.

Out of the blue, as if to prove the universal theory that nothing lasts forever, things began to change. Not so much physically but in my mind. I became apprehensive of our relationship. I was still trying to understand and accept this relationship, which was all too new for me, but all our friends have already labeled us as a pair. For him, it was all part of life and he took it in stride.

I started to feel the tension of an entirely new kind of relationship that has been alien to me all this time. Was I going too fast? Am I doing something wrong? My parents, who were beginning to sense a difference in my life, placed pressure on me to concentrate on my studies. Even though I was performing satisfactorily academically, I felt guilty for keeping something behind their back.

Then one day, he asked me for a kiss! To me, an eleven year old guileless girl, this was something catastrophic! I wanted so much to show him my devotion but the idea of giving him a kiss and making the initiative was very scary. For him, it was merely a gesture of our affection, a simple touch of endearment. But it was in my mind all-day and even in my dreams. Should I do it? How do I even kiss? Do I just pout and peck him on the cheeks? Why don’t they teach practical things like this in Health Education class? I kept practicing on the back of my hand but it just felt more and more like a wet slobber.

I felt like I was getting a nervous breakdown from all these insecurities. In the end, I took the coward way out - I avoided him. That was when it fell apart. I couldn’t explain why I stopped something that was so precious to me. Maybe it was the fear that first love will not last, so I should stop before I become deeply involved. Or maybe I was afraid of committing myself to something so intensely serious. Thereafter, things became a blur to my memory. Maybe it is my brain’s way of dealing with the unhappy moments. He brought me so many happy and special memories that had I not known him, life would have been less meaningful.

For the next few years, I managed to keep in touch with him. I sought his advice whenever I felt depressed and confused. He was always the willing listener but I could sense a difference. I did not want to end up being an annoyance to him, so I tried to keep these calls to a minimum. I could not deny that these calls have always made me much happier. I have not kept the letters and other keepsakes that he has given me. I could not risk the chance that my mother would come across them when she came to visit. This has become one of the regrets in my life.

Over the years, we lost contact as he went overseas to further his studies. Once in a while, in my dreams, I see him again. Nobody can replace his position in my heart - as my first love. I appreciate that his memories of our times together may not be as sweet and tender as my recollection of the past. When I think of him, I only wish the best for him and hope that he is living happily now. I am happy just to keep the beautiful memories of a person who introduced me to the tenderness of a pure and simple love.

it happened so long ago that it felt kind of strange reading this again, almost like reading a third party's story. i never thought i could let him or the memories go then but looking back now, i realise i have unconsciously stopped thinking of him for a long time, perhaps because i've regarded the possibility of ever seeing him again as remote.

for all my birthdays then, i had wished to meet up with him again....just to see how he has been all these years. now that someone has suddenly given me his number, i feel so lost. the desire to meet up has been buried so deep down after all these years, under so many layers that i no longer acknowledge it, nor do i know whether it still exists still. then again, there is the curiousity to know how his life has went on from our last meeting.

how was your first puppy love? was it sweet and innocent like mine?

stupid cupid

ahhhhh.......the sweet sound of birds chirping in the air. everything is so lovely when you are in love.

yesssss, i am in loveeeeeeee. i see everything through rose-coloured lenses and the world is beautiful.

i met him over the weekend. what was supposed to be a regular shopping outing has totally changed my life. having been married for so many years, i was beginning to tire of the drudgery of our daily lives. i yearn for some change, for some excitement. i needed something more to fulfil my life, to make me whole.

the moment i laid my eyes on him, i knew he was the one. i forgot the one that was waiting at home for me. it's strange....after 5 years together, i have forgotten his loyalty in just one minute. i am not ashamed to admit it; i must be true to my heart. what is the point of avoiding the fact? it will only hurt all 3 of us in the long run.

he made me feel like a woman again. he made me tingle and i could feel the pumping of my wanton heart. in all thruthfulness, my eyes had been straying for some time. i had been watching and waiting for that special one for so long that i have forgotten when i have felt so incomplete. the one at home could no longer fulfil my desires and needs. i needed one that could understand me......make me whole again and be there for me.

i walked up to him, looked at him with eyes bridled with passion, sighed and caressed him tenderly. yes, i whispered to him, he is the one that would make me alive again. my heart swelled with pride when he is there with me. i can't keep my eyes off him.......i had to bring him home. i cannot wait another minute.....i want to peel everything off.

damn! he was expensive too. for something so small and light, the new sony vgn-tx26gp/w vaio laptop sure cost a bundle. but if it means that i am no longer restricted to blogging at my desk, i will gladly trade in my old one for this new. and he is soooooo beautiful. who says that you cannot find true happiness with beauty?

for my dearest friend

this is for you, my dear friend......

i have known you for the longest time and we have seen each other through many things. we have grown up together but our friendship has remained steadfast and loyal. i understand how you feel now....but i don't know if i can make you see the light.

i know you are feeling lost and useless at the moment. but you are never that. to your family, to your child and to your friends, you have always been there for us. life is not measured by how much you have achieved economically or how high you have climbed in the business world. none of this will matter in the end.

you are lost because you have always been living for others. first, it was for your family. granted, all of us have to go through the stage where we do the things that our family wants for us. then it was for that useless excuse of a husband. now, you live for your child and to fill the gap in your life, you are using 'him' as your latest distraction. deep down, you should know...he is not what you need. he is just a tool that you are using to focus your energy and attention.

you don't need a man to make your life complete. yes, it will be wonderful to have a pair of warm loving hands to hold you at night. that should be the icing on the cake....not the cake itself.

find yourself and what you want to achieve in life. look for your passion. the thing that makes you want to jump out of bed everyday and have the energy to sustain your spirit for the rest of the day. the thing that makes you look forward to the dawn of each new day. that thing cannot and should not be a man.....don't you think that it sounds wrong? you should be living for yourself.

most of us are lost - from the most successful datuk in the boardroom to the dreamy salesgirl standing in the shop. we do not know what we want from life and we spend our whole life searching. for those who are born with a passion, i consider them truly lucky, for they know which direction they should move towards. for the rest of us, we wander around until we chance across it....or until our time is up.

look into yourself and understand yourself. at the end of the day, you will have to answer only to you. when everything is said and done, and your soul ask you "have you done what you want out of this life?"......how do you want to answer?

you don't have to be the most successful working woman. you don't have to be best mum. you don't have to achieve recognition. but you have to answer to yourself...what do you want from this life?

i know you are thinking of working for your friend - but this is another distraction in your life and you will not last long. because this is not your passion. this is to fill your time and ego...so that others won't think so badly of you for not having a stable job. fuck them! don't live your life for others. all your charity work, shopping, hobbies, man-hunting.....they are just something for you to fill your time until you find what you are looking for.

some of us may be contented to be drifting for the rest of our life. from one target to the next. it doesn't matter. as long as you are happy. truly happy. if what you are going to do will not bring you joy, why bother? not everybody is able to have the time and luxury of pursuing their passion in life...you can, so take advantage of it.

don't compare yourself with others. what works for one may not be your cup of tea. for some, corporate boardroom brings them satisfaction and purpose in life. for you, i think you will wilt. just like no one can replace your position in our heart, don't replace other people's life with your own.

maybe if you ask yourself......what makes you really happy?

sorry, how many again?

my in-laws are coming for a 2-week visit.

no, this is not the typical in-laws horror story. we get on splendidly.....i guess that is the very least hubby dearest can expect, since we do not even stay in the same country. we see each other but a couple of times every year, ranging from 5 days to 2 weeks each time and it is not difficult to maintain civility when we cross paths. that sounds a little cold.......no, the love goes deeper than that.

anyway, this visit means that i will have to fit 17 people into a small 3-bedroom condo.......and make sure that no toes are stepped on (maybe i should submit my claim to guiness world of records). 17 different people, with age groups ranging from 3mths to 40years. 17 different people with 17 different taste and habits.

the first task of the day will be to organise their reception, which falls on different days incidentally. and then when they are all settled in, i need to source breakfast for 17 people, who wake up at different hours of the day. after brekkie, i will have to suggest entertainment according to their age-groups and arrange for their various transportation. oh yes, and there is also the supervision of 8 children whilst their parents are out enjoying their holidays. all this and at the same time make sure that my children's regular schedule is unaffected.

i sound like a regular tour agency. hmmmm.......maybe, after this experience, i can outsource my services to interested parties.

hubby dearest seems to have it good. smack his bottom and off to office he goes, leaving me to change into my super-woman costume. still, i can't complain for i love them too and it is the least i can do for them.

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do you ever realise that people just like to complicate things?

it's strange - but some people can take the simplest thing and turn it into the most mind-boggling, perplexing puzzle. actually, i think most of us do. let's take a deep breath, and take a step away from the problem. maybe we can see it clearly for what it is then.

che-che's teacher has sent me an e-mail, explaining what they are doing in school this week. it seems that they are doing addition and subtraction (primary one level) but i am not quite sure:



Addition Number bonds (Make 10 first)

1) 1 2 + 7 = 19 ..................................................10 + 2 + 7
...../ \ ..................................................................= 10 + 9
(10) (2) ..............................................................= 19


1) In this question, the bigger number is in front.
2) Therefore, take out the "tens" first.
3) Put the "tens" in the front circle (10)
4) Then only add the "ones" (2+7=9)
5) So, 10+9=19


2) 4 + 1 5 = 19................................................ 4 + 5 + 10
............/ \ ......................................................= 9 + 10
........(10) (5) ...................................................= 19


1) In the question, the bigger number is at the back.
2) Therefore, take out the "tens" and put it in the second circle.
3) Put the "ones" in front. (4+5=9)
4) Then add the (10)
5) So, 9+10=19


3) 1 6 - 2 = 14 .............................................6 - 2 = 4
...../ \.............................................................= 10 + 4
(10) (6) ........................................................= 14



1) in this question, the "tens" can be taken out straight from (10)
2) Therefore, put the "tens" in the first circle.
3) Put the "ones" in the second circle.
4) Subtract the "ones" first (6-2=4)
5) Then, add the "tens" in front
6) 10+4=14


4) 1 5 - 8 = 7 ...............................................10 - 8 = 2
...../ \ ........................................................... 5 + 2
..(5) (10) ......................................................= 7



1) In this question, make "tens" first and put it in the second circle.
2) This is because "5" cannot minus 8
3) 10-8=2
4) Add (5+2)
5) 5+2=7


sigh! whatever happened to finger-counting? primary 1 maths give me a headache.

my 2-bit commentation on cheng ming

i sit here, in my usual drinking spot, taking a leisurely sip of ice tea before i begin......

last week i wrote a piece about a tactical maneuver that my dear dahling and i have schemed out and i am so tempted to continue the piece today. however, the time is not right and i have so many things on my mind now that i will not be able to give the topic its due attention. so, i shall leave it for another day.

everybody seems to be writing about cheng ming recently and to commemorate the occasion, i shall give my input too. the thing that i realise is that a lot of people seem to be very uptight over the whole ancestor-praying business. maybe there are a lot of tension and buried (sorry, no pun intended there) resentments in each family and when the whole family comes together, some toes are inadvertently stepped on.

i went for mine today and it was a nice excuse for a family get-together. i would love to have more reasons to meet the whole extended clan but everybody seems to be very involved in their own lives nowadays.

maybe the difference with my attitude is that i am not of the 'parent' level yet and therefore, i do not have the authority to voice my opinion. i can only listen and follow meekly when the procedures and instructions are meted out.

do you know what was the only thing that went through my mind today, as i was carrying out the whole joss-stick and kowtowing (would you believe that this is really an english word?! for sure! i looked it up.) business? i wonder if i will ever be able to fit into my parents' shoes. if the baton was passed to me and i am supposed to carry out the whole works, how am i ever going to handle all the story-telling?

oh, sorry, did i lose you there? ok, let's backtrack a little. have you ever heard the elders pray to the ancestors or the heavenly spirit? they actually have a whole story-line mapped out. complete with prologue, introduction, content and conclusion. the beginning is usually quite loud and clear and towards the end, it finishes with some mumbling and whispering. maybe they have lowered their voices purposely because they don't quite know how to end it either.

i strained my ears as best i could today and have written it down for those who are lacking in the skills, like myself. to make it simple for your future use, just fill in the blanks and you are ready for your next prayer session:

................ (the relevant authority that you are directing the prayer to), today is
................(the occasion for the get-together) and your
...............(children, grandchildren, great grandchildren - name the people who are present) are all gathered here today to pray for you. we have brought
...............(name some of the offerings that everybody have brought) for you to enjoy. may you
...........................( ok, start listing all your wishes, in order of urgency and priority). if you have any wishes, please let us know by
.............................(if you do not want them to appear infront of you suddenly and risk scaring you half to death, this is the time to let them know which is your preferred way of communication). please forgive
...................... (time to stab the back of people not present by naming all of them and thereby ensuring that they are included in the black list) for not being able to make it today because
.........................(quick, quick, think of any lame excuses).

that about covers it, i think. or maybe i didn't catch the part where they start asking for 4-digit numbers......*smack head* no wonder they lowered their voices!

come next year, equipped with my manual, i am ready to tackle the mumbo-jumbo. bring it on.

operation angling

mission: to lure in target - hook, line and sinker.

this pass month, my dear dahling and i have been plotting and scheming. our mission is to lure in the target. she has been single for some time and has her eyes on this particular fella...but there hasn't been much advancement in their relationship for some time. we understand that the poor fella probably has been hurt in the emotional department in the past and she is contend to wait for him to come around......for a reasonable period of time, at least. but it has been long past the acceptable time frame. we cannot wait anymore for him to act. we have to strike.

the first move will be to initiate personal contact. for their relationship to move onto the next level, there must be more touching - deliberately or 'naturally'. with the feel of skin brushing against one another, hopefully some primate instinct in him will be stirred.

we tried the brushing of thighs when they sat closely. and also the innocent touching of arm during conversation. he is familiar with the ancient dating techniques and did not let on to his reaction. next, we used the age-old tactic of holding his arm to cross the road, hoping that the gallantry in him will be motivated into action. we were partly successful during the second employment of this strategy. he offered his hand to guide her across the road on his own initiative. a small score of victory for us but it is still too early to celebrate.

stay tuned for the next level of our operation. will it be a success or will it flop in our face? i shall keep you informed.