a few pointers

my bum hurts.

from another round of over-exertive badminton which saw me running around like a dog. in the midst of the game, an old coach walked up to me and started giving me some pointers. apparently, he couldn't tolerate the abuse i was getting from HD :-) or perhaps, he just couldn't take the way i was insulting the game with my hopeless excuse for techniques of the game.

in all my 35 years of playing, (ok, take away a few years since i didn't start holding the racket from the crib) nobody ever taught me the proper techniques. so, all these years, i have beeen running around that rectangular box like a mad-woman, doing all the wrong moves. i know there are those smart-alex out there who will pipe up and say that they have learnt their techniques merely from observation of professional matches. i confess, i belong to those dim-witted blur category, ok? so, sue me!

anyway, this kind, and ahem.... busybody, man taught me the correct way to hold the racket, stand and move. theoretically, i could see an instant improvement in my game. in practice however, my brain needs more time to communicate with my body. it's inspiring, i feel, to have a mere stranger take the effort to walk up, interrupt my game and point me in the correct direction. it's strange; the little ways that we can touch the lives of others.

the neighbourhood community organised a 'pre' moon lantern festival celebration last saturday.


i miss those days when we got together with all the cousins and walked around like idiots without a purpose, holding to our paper lanterns. when that got boring, we just burnt all the candles and melted them to a huge ball of wax. :-) hmmm....i think i may just conspire with the kids to do that this year.

did any of you look up on sunday to see this? have you forgotten how beautiful a rainbow is?

 

she

she hides in the room to smoke and gamble.

she drinks wine, not cheap liquor mind you, until she is slightly tipsy in the night.

she gives out free loves and enjoys frolicking with the male sex.

she embraces and sleeps with her own sex when she is missing some tender loving care.

she talks to strangers and is friendly to any people from her own country, male or female.

she receives calls from people she doesn’t know, asking to be friends.

she resorts to drastic and silly actions when she realizes that she is unduly pregnant.

she has an alternative source of income, other than that dictated by her visa and not necessary legal.

she employs politics on her colleagues in order to achieve the position of seniority.

she tells lies as if it is part of her everyday entertainment.

she feigns ailments in order to escape her duties.

she has no qualms about stealing from her employers.

she plays the part of a meek lamb in front of her employer but is the total opposite when the head is turned.






she is a domestic maid.

escort service

i don’t know when.

i don’t know how.

i seem to have picked up a part-time job recently. a niche post actually. something that you will never see in the classifieds, yet there appears to be a genuine demand for the service.

actually, my official title is ‘hospital escort’. yes, that’s what I do. i accompany people to the hospital for their visits to the doctors. old or young, men or women. open heart surgery or a simply haermorrhoid consultation. no job is too small for me.

my job scope?

i put on pretty clothes, hoping that the doctor will notice and let us jump queue in an effort to save my client some time.

i ask questions that appear intelligent and medically-based to make us all look good. perhaps some of these questions may have no relevance to the medical condition of my client, but someone has to make the small talk, right?

i do all the hard work and running around; collecting medicine, taking note of the dosage instructions, paying bills (of course i will have to be reimbursed for this, otherwise why else will i be performing the service?) and the flirting with handsome doctors.

i simplify the instructions on the rather complicated medicine sticker and re-write them in simple monosyllable for you; in whichever language you are proficient.

i provide amusing conversations to pass the time whilst waiting for the doctor, just incase i have failed to attract the attention of the gay doctor.

i provide personal reminders for the next appointment, which also translates into my next service charge.

sounds like a very simple job? there is more than meets the eye, mind you. i was pricked by the *&%$ing needle once, attempting to be doctor’s assistant after which i have made a mental note not to dress too sexily infront of the doctor again, lest he is unable to perform his function satisfactorily.

then there is the endless 'thumb-twiddling' wait and the endurance of stomach-growling hunger pangs through lunch hour.

most important, there is also the client factor. presently i have a hypochondriac patient as part of my clientele. someone who imagines that she is inflicted with all kinds of discomfort and will not rest until she visits the doctor and is given medication of one kind or another. a typical visit will go like this:

she: doctor ah, i feel pain here woh.

doc: here ah? oh, small pain never mind.

she: very painful woh. until cannot eat lah.

*slap* the doctor slaps me with a bill for medication.

she: my legs also feel very weak wor.

*slap* *slap* another bill.

she: and i cannot sleep at night. can give me some sleeping pills ah?

*slap* *slap* *slap*

i don’t quite mind, after all i am reimbursed for whatever bills i am slapped with, remember? however, i can hear the distant cries of someone’s wallet, screaming for help. still, how do you tell your client that it is all in her mind? so, i keep my mouth nicely zipped up and pocket my escort fees.

business seems to be a little quiet these days. anybody needs a hospital escort?

by the way, i charge by the hour. and there is no hanky-panky with the hired help.

reincarnation

do you believe in reincarnation?

to be totally frank (i can't really be frank, can i? i am ms. me, and forever will be, not mr frank), i don't really subscribe to that belief. that when you leave this body, your soul survives and returnes in another physical form some time in the distant future. however, as impossible as the whole thing sounds to me, i am beginning to have my doubts.

yesterday, i witnessed with my very eyes, someone who is very eager to be on his way to his reincarnation. which is really strange, if you think about it, because he was not even dead yet. however, i sincerely believe that if he continues to practice his 'drive-like-a-drunken-ass' maneuvers, he is on the correct road to meet his maker, and very soon too.

this guy must have made his escape from las montanas' blog where he made a quick visit on monday. last night he was doing his magical lane-switching, squeezing-into-tight-spots and brake-every-2-seconds tricks again right in front of me. sorry fella, the audience wasn't impressed. infact, we were rather disappointed that the whole performance did not come to a crashing end. i was right behind him all the way home and my driver, aka HD, did not even have to perform any of those stunts. sheesh! makes you wonder why mr stunt driver had to do it in the first place.

today was one of those rare days where i had to attend a bored board meeting. having hung up my corporate suits and stiletto heels a long time ago, in exchange for disposable diapers and crayons, making the ocassional visit back is ....interesting. i have finally found the correct place and time to employ my dreaming-but-look-like-in-deep-thought looks.

over the years, many have asked me if i missed the corporate scene. but of course. you get to dress up everyday and look glamorous and important. nowadays, the only function that i get invited to and have the excuse to be all dolled-up will be for barbie's tea parties. i won't be a hypocritical asshole and say that i will give it all up again in the blink of an eye for the love and pleasure of being with my kids. you know kids. they can drive you insane sometimes. but a choice had to be made and i don't think i am the type who can look myself in the eyes if i have not done my best for them.

still, i think i made a pretty good trade. sometimes, like today, i get to put on my mascara, lip gloss, welcome back my stiletto heels and play the part of a corporate professional.

child

i was invited to cher-cher’s ballet practice yesterday to review her work for the whole year. as with all young children, she was very excited and has reminded me over and over again that morning to attend and be punctual. it is quite sobering to have your daughter nag you about the importance of being on time.

so, i made an extra effort on monday morning to be there exactly on the dot, if not slightly earlier. it has never crossed my mind that my action may have any bearing on other 7-years-old. however, my presence triggered off something akin to hysteria in the ballet studio. eeeek!

the little kiddies started whining upon seeing that i am the first and only mother to turn up. yikes! five minutes down the line and a whole row of empty chairs, they degenerated to tears and uncooperativeness. looking left and right nervously, i didn’t quite know where to hide my face or my entire body for that matter. my good gesture to my daughter has caused other children to face their insecurities, making me feel like public enemy no. 1. pretty soon, i can imagine some of them giving me dagger-stares and boycotting my daughter. overactive imagination aside, mothers started rolling in 15minutes after the appointed time. phew! if only mothers knew the heartache they are capable of causing their children, i wish they had made more of an effort to be there at the appropriate time. i guess that is the problem with malaysians; bad time management. they will be late even for their own funeral!

having a kid is quite a blessing. all through life, there will always be people who want to change you. from what you are to what they like you to be. starting from homebase with your parents, who are forever nagging you to pick up your things, behave properly, eat the correct food and a whole other mountainload of requests - to be the best that you can be. your friends also wish you were more. more open, more giving, more time to spend with them, more fashionable. employers will like you to be more efficient, to contribute more to the money-making process and to be more punctual. your partner will be the worst. in the initial stage, they will want to erase all your bad habits and change you totally into someone else. everywhere, everyone. they have some requests of their own, trying to influence you to be more like what they want you to be.

only in a child's eye will you be perfect. beautiful despite the many imperfections on your physical attributes. melodious regardless of the fact that you are tone-deaf. wonderful eventhough you have lost your temper with them a few minutes ago.

it is humbling to receive so much love from someone else. love for you exactly as you are.

i read a quote somewhere: when a child realises that his parents are imperfect; he becomes an adolescent. when he forgives them for it, he becomes an adult.

of pain and playing

the end of last week saw me being tormented by a very painful mouth ulcer. i never knew pain until that incident, and that coming from someone who has gone through child-birth twice, you can believe that it was severe. it wasn't so much that the pain was graded a 10 on the scale but more because it dragged on for the longest time. can you imagine a pain that lasts 24 hours round the clock for 4 long and endless days? not just one of those dull aches but a searing, head pounding, crippling kind of pain. pain when you try to open your mouth to talk, pain when you don't, pain when you put anything in your mouth, liquid or solid and pain even when you sleep. believe me, i have tried all types of remedy to cure the damn ulcer, short of gargling with acid and rubbing salt onto the wound. external, internal, watermelon, spray, gargling, whatever you may have...it's just a persistent freak. as it was, i spent the earlier part of the weekend mumbling and talking incoherently. the kids, however, sportingly took it as part of a charade game.

on sunday, i attempted something that i have laid aside for a number of years now, eversince the young one was born. playing badminton. notice that i chose the word 'attempted'? that was because the sport pretty much saw me picking up the shuttlecock more than attempting to hit it. perhaps i should rename it to 'pickaton'?

nevertheless, sunday's sport brought a moment of clarity into my life. now i know the reasons i will never be the next legendary rashid sidek. yes, at a fleeting moment in my life, i once dreamt of being a famous sports artiste, revered by many and adored by all. of course, that dream was quick to burst, especially after i failed the physical education test in school. how many people do you know scored a '0' for pull-ups? well, you are indeed honoured to be able to say that now you know at least one.

anyway, back to badminton. i realised that there were several contributory reasons for my not being able to achieve that glorified honour of a badminton champion:

1. my dimunitive physique. there is a reason that short people are not seen standing on the winner's podium. forget about killer smashes, i will be glad not to have a cramp in my neck from all the craning for the shuttlecock. there is only one way for the shuttlecock to come and it is usually from above, so when you are...erm...closer to the ground (that is a politically correct way to say 'short'), you are at an ackward and very tiring angle to catch a glimpse of the feathered thing. when you are at that angle, the light is also usually in your eye, causing you temporarily blindless when the shuttlecock is within the reach of your racket.

2. the damn shuttlecock doesn't drop right into my hand. and that happens 90% of the time. as much as HD tries to aim it straight for my racket, given that he is not a professional player, it has a tendency to fall out of my reach. which is pretty self-explanatory, i think. since it doesn't fall within my reach, there is a very high likelihood that i will miss it, right?

3. heavy leaded legs are not meant for playing badminton. who has heard of players with tons of weights attached to their legs? as much as my brain tells me to run for the shuttlecock, my legs act otherwise. they are pretty much stuck to the floor and there seems to be a delay mechanism, like those in live radio broadcast, attached to the process of telling it to run and the reaction, by which time it is always too late.

4. i blink. way too much. i think it has become a habit to me. everytime the shuttlecock is about to touch the racket, i blink. infact, i don't think i have ever seen the shuttlecock touch my racket. in that nano-second, a blink can be deadly to your game. it can make the difference between hitting the shuttlecock back to your opponent or it lying mockingly on the floor. someone should invent a device to keep the eyelids open during a game, perhaps a little like the thing dentist use to keep your mouth open for tooth extraction.

so, there you have it. i am not an inept player. there are just some contributory reasons causing me not to play at the very best.

are you convinced? no? well, i didn't think so.

mails

i received two mails yesterday.

the first from a miss yana. a nice name, don't you think? the name almost rolls of my tongue and sounds melodic. the problem is, i don't know anybody named yana. with a subject header like “hi my dear” , it really grabbed my attention by the balls, that is if i had any. the contents went like this:

'Hallo!

I am a lovely and lonely Lady who is looking for the man who will make me happy and whom I want to feel like in paradise with! If you want to be my beautiful Hero who will save me from this loneliness find me http://www.iamsearching-forlove.com/mydarling/ and wake me up with a warm kiss.

talk to you soon
Yana

dear yana,

thank you for your interesting mail. whilst i appreciate your search for the man that will make you happy, i am sorry to say that i cannot be that person for you. for the very obvious reason that i do not have the necessary physical equipment to satisfy you and make you happy.

however, i do admire your courage and your faith in the belief that distributing such mails to everyone, regardless of race, religion or even sex will bring a gentleman to your attention. then again, perhaps you are not looking for a gentleman.

i wish you the very best in your endeavours and hope that your trawling methods will attract the required attention.

best wishes,
me

there you have it, guys.

those who dream of being somebody’s prince charming, or rescuing some gal from the castle of loneliness, you know where to log into. however, at some point in time, there may be demand for some cold hard cash tucked away in some small-print clause. still, there are some who believe that money can buy them temporary spans of happiness, or should i say orgasm, and i wish you the best of luck.

ok, my next mail.

from a man called timothy otis. my first thought; otis? isn’t that the lift? the lift man wrote to me? i may have pressed a few buttons by mistake, but i don’t think that justifies a letter from the big man himself, does it?

upon reading the contents, i realized that everyone else probably has received the same one at one point or another. i know i have read it several times before, sometimes by the snail mail even.

mr otis offers me a sum of US$4.35million as gratification, simply for partaking in some hare-brain scheme of his. apparently, some bigshot has passed away and none of his descendants know of this sum of money in his account. yah, right! so, if i were to contact him, and possibly give him the details of my bank account (he hasn't mentioned anything along that line at this juncture), i can gain access to that sum of money. hey friends, i am on my way to becoming richhhhhhhhhhh. that's like rm16.5 million. i can cash it all in $1 notes and make a mattress out of it!

dear mr otis,

thank you for your very kind offer.

i do not know how you have been able to obtain my "impressive" information from the "burkina faso chamber of commerce on foreign business relations" since i have absolutely no idea where on earth is burkina faso. however, your source of information is perhaps not of utmost importance in this case.

whilst your generosity has been unsurpassed, i am sad to inform you that i have to decline your offer. blame it on my upbringing but it has been instilled in me since young never to accept gifts from strangers, especially of this magnitude.

i do not doubt your sincerity in the offer and i am genuinely touched by your deep concern over this some of money. many would have turned a blind eye and walked on. the bank of africa is indeed fortunate to have a man of your integrity.

my religion does not permit me to be a silly, stupid and gullible fool and as such, with a heavy heart, i have to reject your offer.

nevertheless, i would like to extend my best wishes for finding an appropriate and gullible, i mean co-operative partner.

best wishes,
me

however, it is not like me to stop my very good friends from finding their pot of gold. for those who finds this offer irrestible and will like to have their shot at being a millionaire, you can contact mr otis at timothy_otis06@yahoo.co.uk.

when you are driving your porshe and smoking cuban cigars, please don't forget me.

a 'no-name' post

one lesson i have learnt from yesterday - even with state-of-the-art laptop and hi-tech handphone, if you don't have an i.t.-savvy brain, you have nada, zilch, nothing, no internet connection.

yesterday saw me hunting down all avenues in a vain attempt to be connected to the web. i tried hooking up to a normal telephone line, stealing people's broadband, begging my handphone to 'speak' to my laptop and even contemplated buying a broadband roaming card. as you very well know, my mission was a failure.

the reason for my eagerness to log onto the web, despite the obvious reason of my addiction to blogging and the torturous withdrawal symptoms like itchy fingers, foggy brain and runny nose, was because i came to realise that my post on monday has caused many readers to be concerned about my mental being (that was an extremely long sentence, try beating that!). i don't even know why, i wasn't even sad. most readers seemed to have come to the conclusion that i am a depressed, unhappy and lost looney toon. i can almost see cocka standing at the side, with a couple of men in white coats and holding a strait jacket in anticipation. this is far from the thruth, though i must admit to the looney-toon bit.

please don't be unduly alarmed at my spats of 'depressing' or what other bloggers termed as 'heavy' posts. this blog is almost like my alter ego. whilst some have chosen to be bitchy, direct or whimsical in theirs, i wanted this to be the place where i sometimes stop, think and look deeper into myself. what you see here is not what you will see in real life. you know the type of people who looks like they are all serious and in deep thought when they are silent, but are actually phasing out and daydreaming? i'm like that. most of the time when i am quiet, i am not brooding or being depressed. i am lost somewhere in that wild imagination of mine and i have turned off my brain. so, this is where i switch it back on again.

this is the place i bare all. in my world, my mouth is as tightly shut as a clam. i cannot open up, short of you boiling me first, as with the clam :-) so, i choose to do it here. sometimes, i peel off the layers of the onion to ask myself how i really feel. if you look hard, you'll realise that most times i use the word 'perhaps' and question marks. it's more like i am throwing my thoughts out there and asking people who have become my friends about the way i feel. i write without first deliberating, i let my emotions guide me. so, please don't be misled that i am always depressed and unhappy. on the contrary, i am always smiling.

at times, i have my low moments, as with everybody else. come tomorrow, the sun always shine again. being privy to my innermost thoughts in here may come across as indigestible for some, for i always seem to be so serious and depressed. i come in, i think about how i feel a little and then i leave it here and go back to my happy blur self. so, if you do come across another one of my depressing posts, please don't worry about me. i'm just letting off some steam. and if you don't know what to comment, you can always pull my leg like mr cocka does. i'll always be in the mood to laugh :-)

ok, seriousness aside. too much grim talks make one age prematurely :-)

yesterday, mr bean had to make a visit to the hospital, for a small outpatient operation. no, not rowan atkinson. my old bean (does that make HD the young bean?) it was a simple enough procedure, and everything went smoothly (this is the part where i get on my hands and legs and pray my thanks to the heavens above). i seemed to have become accustomed to that hospital from the numerous visits that i have been making in the recent years. i should start making a list of which doctors i have already made acquaintance. i was going to say 'and see if i can break my personal record' but i don't think that anymore visits to a doctor will be a good thing.

i had to cut this post prematurely short because i have run out of time. i may expand on it in the afternoon. then again, i may not.

you know the hardest part about this post? naming it.

monday

i'm in a very strange mood today. a little bit of bitterness, a little bit of sweetness, a dose of sleepiness (from late night watching of korean series) and a tinge of muddleness.

i have something that i want to blog about - a topic close to the heart. however, being one year older has taught me that there are times when it is better to bite your tongue and keep quiet, rather than open up for the world to see. perhaps it is age. perhaps it is wisdom. i have learnt that sometimes i will do better by swallowing down by words and letting it pass. a part of me wants to leave it all here, so that i continue my journey without the burden. however, another part of me understands that words once spoken, there is no taking it back. maybe another time...

i am feeling so restless today. like there is something i want to be doing. organise a get-together perhaps? i certainly have one of those outstanding. maybe a party? halloween's still another month to go, so that will have to wait. i miss having a party though. a frenzy to get food prepared, a bustle of activities for decoration and invitation, a lot of hoo-hahs and finally, leaving all the cleaning up to the maid. yes, something...but what? the spirit is willing but the body is weak. or maybe lazy.

i had a wonderful lunch with an old friend today. perhaps the icing was the hug at the end of the day. it felt like a small part of the iceberg that is my heart melted away. maybe i am on the right track to getting the fire and warmth back. the problem with being an adult is that you put so many walls around yourself, protecting yourself from any possible way of getting hurt. so much so that you have managed to isolate every single thing in your life. you don't even know that you are doing it and it is all a subconscious reflex....... until one day, you realise that you feel nothing at all.

a little heavy on monday, don't you think? yes, definitely too heavy for me. i want to have fun.

the final instalment

a post on saturday?! wow, my cog-wheels must be really turning!

to those readers who were a little concerned about my frame of mind yesterday, don't worry. my thoughts come and goes. i come up with very silly thoughts and ideas and it's just a part of who i am and the creativity that is also part and package of it. it knocks around a little in that grey cranium of mine and then leave without so much as a trace. today is another day.

you know what the problem is with having your birthday (yes, yet another post on that 'b' word!) towards the latter half of the year? when your birthday finally comes around, and your friends pop around with lunch invitations, you begin to wonder if they are returning a favour (because you bought them lunch for theirs) or there is a genuine sincerity to want to celebrate your special occasion with you. it isn't much fun if people are doing it out of gratitude and i suspect that it is the case 98% of the time. unfortunately, you will never know the thruth, unless you choose to ignore theirs in the first place. which, to me, isn't really an option because i like to take that opportunity to show my friends that i really do care.

so, what is a girl to do? what the heck! take whatever you get and shove the crazy logic to the dumps!

come birthday, i get a little eccentric, i think. i can't tolerate flowers (gifts i greedily accept! hahaha!) from mere acquaintance or business associates, especially those that was sent my their secretaries. you look at the card and you go, 'hey, this fella's handwriting didn't use to look like this??!!'. the only personal contact with the sender was probably from the dollar bills that was extracted to pay for the flowers. frankly, spending money like that doesn't impress me one bit.

nor those sent by organisations. try convincing me that they actually care when you popped out eons ago! just more marketing gimmick to this highly cynical lass.

this year, i realised that the best part of my birthday for the past decade and more is waking up to the same voice every year that greets me 'happy birthday' even before i open my eyes :-)

HD and the kids finally came up with the special home-made cake that i wished for, with an ounce of sweetness and a pound of love.

from this.............





to this..........








excuse me whilst i dig my teeth in it. yummmmmmm!

second thoughts

whilst i am celebrating life, someone, somewhere, is staring death in the face.

whilst i am in the middle of merry-making, surrounded by people who love me, someone is suffering by herself in a land far from those she yearns to see.

should i temper my happiness, in recognition of the sorrow that she feels? or should i work harder at living my life to make up for her loss? when i have fun, should i dismiss the unhappy thoughts so that i can immerse myself fully in the joy? or should i remind myself that there is someone out there who is tipping the downside on the scales, to make up for my upside?

i thought i wanted to spend my birthday holding a glass of red wine, with a piece of delicious steak in front of me. now i am not too sure, it seems a little excessive.

if happiness is of a finite amount in this world and there is a quota as to how much happiness can go around, perhaps if i take a little less, someone may be able to receive a trickle more. A naïve thought perhaps but somehow, having a feast on my birthday doesn't feel quite right anymore.

yet, if you ask me to give up a little of the happiness i have now so that others in return can be happy, i don't think i can. if i lose the things that matter to me now, it will break my heart and soul.

so, what can i do?

all that comes to mind is exchanging my plate of steak for a plate of vegetables. if i liken my steak to a life of opulence, then my vegan diet on my birthday should serve as a reminder to keep things simple, to always leave some for others and to appreciate everything and everybody as it comes....everyday.

yesterday and today

wednesday was busy, busy, busy. did some running around for a friend's birthday gift and the celebratory cake. then it was back to more of that tiresome, boring and senseless activity called work. infact, i was immersed in that pointless thing until it was time to knock off for dinner with my friend, which left my head a little dizzy and empty at the start of the evening.

dinner with friends was nice, though i would have preferred a cosier place to chat. my ideal celebration would be with a glass of red wine in my hand, a medium-well grilled steak on my plate in a dimly-lighted small and cosy place, with some music flowing in the air and some good friends providing the entertaining chatter. sounds heavenly. however, i still have lots of work to do in the 'friend' department.

as it was, i had to shuttle between the toilet and the dinner table for my sick little boy who was suffering from diarrhoea. there's something about visits to toilets and wiping soiled behinds that makes food unappetising, don't you think?

bumped into some acquaintances when dinner was nearly coming to a close. i really should learn to work more on my fake smile and pretentious warm handshake. never realised i was so failing in that department until my friend told me to stop smiling because it looked so fake. i guess my face does subconsciously reflect my emotions, whether i realise it or not. perhaps it is a blessing that i do not have to face the office politics for i believe i will wither in the process. or perhaps it is because i choose not to partake in such activities, thus i have become very inadept at being so pretentious. whichever, i thank my lucky stars that i do not have to subject myself to that which i cannot tolerate to bring food to the table.

speaking of office politics, i have another birthday date to go to today. and for the record, for those who have been wishing me happy birthday in almost every post, it is not my birthday! when i finally don't talk about birthdays, then you will know that mine has passed. this party that i am supposed to attend today is held right in the middle of the collosseum - you know, in ancient roman times, when the slaves were thrown into the pit for the lions to devour? yes, that is where i will be heading off for lunch. where people look at me from my head, slowly down to my feet and all the way back up again. each time, i have to restrain my hands from digging their eyes out and smile sweetly while i wait for them to finish their trek back to my face.

which is why it is very important that i choose my attire for today with utmost care. not too grand. not too casual. not too revealing. not to stuffy. the perfect one comes to mind.






excuse me while i go suit up in my armour. and wish me luck, won't you? if you don't see me here tomorrow, you will know that i have been eaten by the lions.

not another birthday post!

:-D

it is actually quite embarrasing. to have everybody keep wishing me happy birthday , yet it is not even my birthday. i feel like i am carrying on a birthday scam or something.

initially, i wanted to talk about birthdays, birthdays and nothing but birthdays for the rest of the week. however, i am fast running out of things to talk about and i am beginning to bore even myself. i will content with dropping the word 'birthday' all over today's post.

however, i will not go without kicking. i will mention that i know 15 people whose birthday falls in the month of september. this is probably the most popular month of the year for the little ones to come out hollering....for the obvious reason that mummies and daddies have nothing better to do on christmas day, new year eve and even new year's day. so, the most obvious entertainment, especially with all the festive alcohol swimming inside you, will be to.....(sorry, this is a PG site). infact, september is almost like a land-mine. move a few steps and you find yourself in close proximity of another bomb, and depending on the relationship with the bomber, you may find your wallet blown to smithereens!

today i managed to locate some de-bonder, to unglue my heavy bottom from the chair and send it off to the nearest supermarket for some household essentials. it was a pretty uneventful chore, until a man walking towards me from the opposite direction took an uncanny interest in the contents of my cart.

okay, we all do it too. usually, we will look out of the corners of our eyes at other people's carts and smirk knowingly at the 'junk-food middle-aged man' or the 'health food fanatic'. manners dictate that we usually do it with as much discreetness as we can muster. however, this fella was nearly sticking half his head in my cart, i tell you. he practically had his eyes glued to the contents, to the point that i nearly wanted to ask him, 'is there something in here that you want?' even when i blatantly ignored him and continued pushing my cart away, he kept his vision glued to the inside of my cart. not pretty little me, mind you. the cart. his head nearly turned in the style of 'exorcist' trying to keep up with my moving cart. some of you may believe that he is from a brands research company but i am more convinced that he comes from the 'bbp' category - busy-body pervert.

next stop - the dry cleaners. the man behind the counter was taking his own sweet time to locate my clothes, and as you know there isn't much action or entertainment going on in the wash and press place, so i entertained myself with the price list. yes, very happening and exciting - not! :-p

anybody wants pressed flat undies, without any wrinkles or folds, at $2.50 per piece? i know just the place to go. superman may just be interested, let me give him a call.

 

my birthday wish

monday started out with on overdose of sweetness from the comments left by my very kind readers. i was all psyched up for another 5-days rally of blogging and story-telling. unfortunately, i have been so engrossed with labelling, boxinization (HD came up with this word for my habit of putting everything into lock-&-lock boxes) and re-arranging that i couldn't quite squeeze it into my morning schedule; otherwise read: another of virgo's idiotic idisyncracies. that's why it's always better to let sleeping dogs lie. virgos will not be satisfied until all their underwears are arranged according to colour and everything else lying around the house in their respective, labelled boxes. given a chance, there will be a box in my house labelled 'dust'. that's why i am still feeling so itchy and uncontented, because i still have half a house left to organise and i am fast running out of 'lock-&-lock' boxes.

anyway, afternoons usually present me with a little more free time and hence, you are reading the fruit of my labour now. however, this later half of the day also means that i am stuck behind a very slow modem, which is suppose to connect at the pitiful speed of 56k but is in fact putting me in touch with the world at a measly 21 to 35k. i haven't even mention the fact that the connection is dropped every few minutes and i have to jump out of wherever or whatever i am doing here to re-connect it. by the time i am done reading all my regular blogs, my brain is half-dead and i am more exhausted than a 3 hour marathon at the gym. for those who falls in the second half of my regular list, sigh! i'll just have to catch up with you tomorrow morning, when i have access to a more decent connection. so, it is something of a miracle that you are reading this post right now, just as i am on the verge of pulling out all my hair in frustration. for some reason, jumping off a cliff looks very tempting to me right now. or better still, throwing my laptop, the land-line and everything else that is linked to it down into the deep ravine. i'm losing my sanity very quickly!

backtracking a little to the start, everybody was absolutely precious to have given me the re-assurance to continue writing, despite the fact that i am a very long-winded writer. however, most of you didn't put in your guess for my birthday wish, with the exception of fantasyflier. however, neon purple top and matching pants doesn't sound like he has made a very serious effort either.

for the past few years, i have came up with wish lists that includes louis vuitton wallet, lv organiser, gucci handbag, sony camera and a whole list of other things that would have burnt a rather big hole in the wallet of the giver. perhaps it should serve as a lesson to them that they should never, never ask what i want for my birthday. recent years, however, i have toned down my requests slightly, perhaps because i do not crave for branded items anymore. of late, i have asked for perfume and earrings from my brother and sister-in-law. anyone have any inkling why? so when people compliments me on the fragrance that i use and the earrings that look so unique, i can tell them that my brother / sil gave them to me. it sounded very warm to my ears and serves as a constant reminder that i am loved. what else could be better?

this year. this year i am asking for something again. this time my daughter has volunteered to get it for me. yes, my 7-year old cutey. she eagerly told me that she will accede to my request for a home-made birthday cake, complete with icing and decoration.

practice run took place over the weekend, which kind of flopped. it looks picture-pretty though and doesn't taste half bad. i took some pictures and could have posted them for you to see......but with this backward dungeon that i am stuck in, do you think i will have something as advance as a link to download my photos? dream on.

anyway, i love the time, the effort and the love that goes into a home-made cake, baked with just me in mind. :-D

i-dunno-how to-name-this-post

judging from the dwindling comments left in my box, 'whysokaypo' may have to be closed down several months down the road, for reason of lack of readership. i believe i have been boring my readers silently to death. so, if you see the bloggers in the sphere dropping down one by one like flies, you know it's because they have been silently following my blog.

i brought my grandma for a follow-up visit to the doctors yesterday and i spent the better half of the day waiting in queues.

were you expecting me to say something more about the wait? there is nothing exciting and glorious about waiting. you just basically arrange your bottom on the chair nearest to a television and tune out until you hear a distant voice calling the name of the patient. everybody wears that bored-to-death look and the i-need-to-go-to-toilet-but-will-they-call-my-name-while-i-am-gone face. otherwise, a visit to the doctor is not quite worth repeating. they hold a cold stethescope against your body, stick some needle into you and send you off with another appointment. and why is it that there is always, always a second appointment? you can walk into a specialist's clinic (normal gp doesn't practice this abnormal standard) looking very sunny and fit and the doctor gives you a clean bill of health. then when you walk past the nurse, she will say, 'so, your next visit is in two months' time. do you want to fix the date today?' hello? the doctor just said i was a-okay. why am i coming back for? how do you know i will be sick in two months' time? i was not even given any medication this time, doesn't that tells you i do not need to come back?

today is a different story. i am suffering from discomfort and pain. can anyone see my pouting lips here? i must have twisted my back muscle when i was attempting asfnsdnfaaskdfn yesterday. i can never hear the name of the yoga moves i was supposed to be doing, so don't expect me to repeat it here. as it is, i can't sit too straight. i can't slouch. i can't lean too far right or left. so, i am trying to maneuver my body into a neither straight, nor slouching, neither left nor right position to ease off the pain. if you ask me, the difficulty level is harder than some of the yoga moves.

do you know what i wish for my birthday? what? not another post about my birthday?!! hey, there must be trailers before the big event, right? nevermind, consider me as a self-centered old fool. i want to talk about my birthday. believe me, there will be plenty more posts about the same topic! after all, it only comes by once a year so the least i can do is talk about it! ha!

every year i get to put two things on my wishlist. since my near and dear can't figure out what i will possibly want or what i like, they decided that the easiest and quickest method will be to ask me to name it. takes the surprise and suspense out of the whole thing but at least i don't end up with neon pink exercise top and matching pants.

most years i am quite lost about what i really need to make my day. this year, however, i have my sight on something. and i am going to get it, come what may. so, anybody want to make it their guess?

freaking and frustration

the mood for today is frustration. arrrghhh!

if you step into my store room and shoe closet for a little while, you will find that i like everything to be very neat and proper, in its own place and labelled, preferably in alphabetical order. this is one of the symptoms of a typical virgo's mind, a little obsessive if you must know. think in terms of the movie 'sleeping with the enemy'. if i give my ocd (obsessive-compulsive disorder) a chance to work it's best, i would be turning all the labels on the canned food to face center.

however, this does not mean that i am particularly neat, as HD will promptly protest. i have too much crap and too little time to organise it, and hence i am often surrounded by piles of things that need my attention. however, i hastly point out that the fact that they are in piles and not scattered everywhere is testament of my tendency to organise but perhaps also reflective of the lack of control over my schedules.

perhaps at this point, you fail to see the relevance of my ocd with my mood for today. you see, i have a box in my store room. this box has been there from the very first day that i have moved in. in it, i kept the things that i need for work; things that i will not need very often but nonetheless, requires them every now and then. it may make more sense to keep them beside me, near my working table but as space is pretty limited, it has been shelved into the store room.

which is fine, really, until the day when my anal region became a little itchy and i decided to move it. i figured that it wasn't in the most ideal place and perhaps cluttering the store room a little. so, after some brain-racking, i moved it to a more appropriate place. and hence comes my problem. a few months down the road, i realise that i have forgotten where the damn box is. my house is pretty small and storage is limited. so, there is only a handful of places that it could be. believe me, i have looked in all the nooks and crooks but it is still missing in action. sigh!

when your mind is set to remember something as belonging to a fixed place, it simply refuses to process any new information. right now, it still believes that the box is in the store room, eventhough i have vehemently reminded it that it has been moved. that grey area remembers the physical part of moving the box but the frame of picture showing where i have moved it to has been erased. wicked brain.

i am also pretty freaked out today. as another testament to my butt-itchiness, i installed site-meter in my blog. to check out the activities that surround 'whysokaypo'. i thought i knew who my readers are and i am pretty confident i know where you guys are holed up. the freaky part is when i realise i have people from USA, India (india, my friend?!), Negeri Sembilan, Hong Kong, Sabah and even one unknown country logging in. okay, okay. you guys will debate that since this is a public website, it's not surprising that i have people from all over reading it. however, if you realise, i have not been a very high-profile blogger. i don't visit other blogs in order to attract more readers, only those that have become my friend. i don't actually advertise the presence of my blog to people. and the topics i write about will hardly come up as the top searches for people looking for something fun. granted, some of them popped in through references from your blogs but others actually knew where to go, straight here from nowhere. and it freaks me out.

so, all those invisible readers, it will be nice if you can pop your head in and just say hi. so that i know you too. instead of freaking me out.

the luckiest person in the world

las montanas' post about being as happy as your dog got me thinking on the subject of happiness.

i have a friend. and i consider him the luckiest person in the world.

he has all the things that people everywhere spend so much time searching for.

a family who loves and acknowledges him,

a beautiful girlfriend in a stable relationship,

a nice car (er...i don't know much about cars, but as long as it looks decent and it moves without hiccups, it's a nice car to me)

a nice place to make a home,

a business to call his own,

a passion in his work,

a nice social life to balance out the stress of work

and not having to worry about where the next meal will come from.

those are things that many people spend most of their lives looking for, isn't it? for most of us, one or more of the above remains elusive and therein, lies the restlessness and dissatisfaction i see so often around me.

i don't know whether the problem lies in me or those encompassing me. everybody that i know seems to be unhappy. discontented, disillusioned and disappointed. with exactly what in life, not all of them may know. all they know is that they are searching. looking for the missing link that makes them happy.

it seems a little sad to me. to be searching for something that is intangible, invisible and in all probability, does not exist. perhaps they already have what they are looking for all along, staring at them in the face. they just don't know to realise it.

therein lies the luck of my friend. not in the material things that he has. not in the fancy office, name card or car. but rather in the contentment and the satisfaction he derives from his life. for those cynical souls, not contentment to the extreme that you do not pursue for greater things in your life. but contentment knowing that you will slowly and surely make your way there. contentment knowing that you are already getting so much from life. and the appreciation to acknowledge it.

as an irony, another friend of mine has always regarded me as the luckiest person in the world. perhaps i am too. we never see ourselves as the luckiest one, for by comparison another pasture always seem to be greener. perhaps i may not have the same exact list of possessions that he has and i am still searching for a satisfaction that will complete my life, but i have my own list of things to be grateful for.and so, i do believe that i am the luckiest person in the world.

how about looking introspectively? perhaps you will discover that you are also one of the luckiest person in the world.

a broken tradition

sigh!

i have been doing the same thing on this day, every year, for the past twenty years.

however, today i am not able to carry out that which already seems like tradition to me.

to be very honest, on some years it seemed more like a chore. on others, it was just another excuse to get in touch.

i never knew to appreciate those times. i never knew that it will be taken away from me.

i feel lost today.


Though you are not here
wherever I go or whatever I do
I see your face in my mind
and I miss you so
I miss telling you everything
I miss showing you things
I miss our eyes
secretly giving each other confidence
I miss your touch
I miss our excitement together
I miss everything we share
I don't like missing you
It is a very cold
and lonely feeling
I wish that you could be
with me right now
where the warmth of our love
would melt the winter snows
But since I can't be
with you right now
I will have to be content
just dreaming about
when we'll be together again

-Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

meme about me, me and me

ever since i have joined the blogging scene a few months ago, this is the first time that i am feeling the pressure. i can almost feel the heat, my hearts thumps in anticipation.

i have been tagged once again. whilst this is no longer my virgin tag and i am no more a novice at it, i am still feeling the tension under the strain to perform. for this is no ordinary tag. i have been tagged by no other than the celebrity blogger, the prima-donna of the sphere. he does not visit any tom, dick and harry's blog. if and when he does visit yours, it is considered the utmost privilege. thus, when i learnt that he has tagged mere me, i nearly fainted from the honour. scrambling to regain control of my senses, i have been pondering on how to give my very best to this post.

*standing at attention* sir, yes sir. i promise to do my very best, sir. however, if you don't mind, i will rather give the 'kissing ass' bit a miss. my mother taught me to always leave some for another day, so perhaps i should leave this privilege for next time :-)

for those who are reading this post, consider yourself privileged to have laid eyes on an entry that was commanded by the famous celebrity.

his graciousness has requested that i write 6 random facts about myself. since he has put on such a performance that cannot be equalled by mere mortals, i have decided to follow suit by taking the serious route in a bid to show my utmost respect to him. as simple as it looks, this tag is very difficult because of the wide and varied direction it can take. perhaps i should jump in with both feet. *squeezing my nostrils and closing my eye*......

fact no 1.
i am a hokkien lang.

pretty self-explanatory. born and bred as a hokkien lang. though i must confess, i haven't been speaking much mother-tongue lately. reason being the infestation of the cantonese sect in my household :-)

fact no. 2.
my defence mechanism dictates that i often seem standoffish to people.

it's a sickness, aitelyu. i have no control over the cool air surrounding my physical presence or my aloof looks. then again, i don't exactly encourage people to get close either :-) kekeke *evil laughter*

fact no. 3
i can't stand raisins, cockles, oysters and bishop's nose.

so please don't make me puke by offering me some. as for the rest of the food, bring it on :-D

fact no. 4
i learnt to cycle at the ripe old age of 20 plus. and swimming too. all under the watchful eyes of my HD.

who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. my next goal will be to learn ice-skating. perhaps not a very good idea given that my bones are probably more brittle in my old age, but who cares!

fact no. 5
there is a 94.857% chance that i will be feeling a little sad, a little lost and a little melancholy tommorow.

so, don't tick me off if you value your peace of mind. and don't ask me why, if you don't want me to ignore you.

fact no. 6
i closely resemble the panda bear by reason of permanent dark circles around my eyes. by coincidence (or not?!) i answer to the same name as one member of the panda family. and i bear a striking similarity to their characteristics as you can always find me lounging around, motionless on some nearby sofa. perhaps, i was reincarnated from one?

that was a difficult meme because i had to choose which 6 facts i want to state, out of the thousand and millions of things about me. perhaps what fact i have chosen to say says more about my character, than the actual details of the fact. therein lies the answer to my character. after all, that is what a meme is usually about; to let others know you a little better.

one thing i have learnt from this tag. when you receive a tag, get it done immediately. not because it is rude to sit on it. not because it is impolite to ignore it. and not because your ideas will flit away if you give it a chance to cool down.

rather, you should go about getting your tag done immediately so that you can tag someone else in the blogosphere, before everyone else that you know have been tagged, and thus, leaving you with no yummy choices.

my tag-gees....

1) of course, mr liew $3. as i have pre-warned him. eventhough titoki has tagged him but he has not done it, so i guess i might as well tag someone who has already been tagged. not making any sense? no point in killing more brains in the blogosphere. mr liew, considered it an honour to be tagged by the taggee who was in turn tagged by the prima-donna of the sphere. you can laugh in your sleep at night, knowing that you are working on the same tag that was once touched by the high and mighty celebrity.

2) sengkor. he has been pretty quiet lately, aside from his a-go-go posts. would be nice to hear from him again. wondering if his mask left a pale impression on his face when he went frolicking in the sand and sun.

comeon guys, it's your turn now. before all the other bloggers have done it and you are left with no one to tag :-)

love in a packet

as with all things in nature, if you have left something for too long, the heat will slowly vaporise. maybe i have left the tales of my trip for a little too long for i no longer feel the enthusiasm to recount the stories of what i have done and seen.

perhaps one?

something that had stuck in my heart.

one day, during my holiday in mickeyland, my mil came into my room, with her hands behind her back. she had a subtle smile on her face, and gently she probed, 'is it your birthday this month?'

i was left flabbergasted for a moment. i realise that nowadays there are more and more occasions where i am left speechless, my mind an empty blank. not a big deal for some, perhaps, but for a yikkity yakkity person like me, who has been predicted to be a lawyer since young by virtue of this amazing gift of gab, the power of the speech has seemed to go into hibernation. i find myself unwilling to talk as i grow older. this digress, though not planned, has been something that i have wanted to say for some time. however, this does not seem like the place and time to go into it, so back to the story i go.

for what seemed like thousands of years to me, but perhaps a mere second to a spectator, i paused and momentarily gained the right frame of mind to blunder out a 'no, er...next month'. which was pretty strange, since she was correct in assuming that my lunar birthday fell in august. maybe i was thinking more along the line of the western calendar, but as you can see, when faced with an unexpected situation, i fall apart and make no sense whatsoever.

in spite of my mumblings, she gently held forth an angpow, one that contains her well wishes for me, aside from the obvious monetary value.

it is little things like that which touches my soul. i will even go so far to say that it jars my consciousness. the thought of her knowing that it was my birthday never crossed my mind. maybe a little mouse squeeled the details but it hardly matters how she came about knowing the information. i can't remember whether i felt the purported warmth in my heart, but i can recall distinctly the shaking of my hands and the rapid beatings of my heart after she left. it is all very strange. as if i have commited a wrong-doing or have been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. perhaps the rush of the adrenaline just makes it seems so. i really don't know why. perhaps the attention made me momentarily lost my grasp on my position in life. or maybe i am just not comfortable when the spotlight is turned towards me. yet, i cannot imagine that i will be happier when people forgets my birthday. my life is an oxymoron.

no matter how many times i turn it over in my head, i cannot understand my reaction. i have given up a long time ago all efforts to analyse my complex mind and have since thrown in the towel. i just go with the flow. perhaps, in my old age, i am developing another idiosyncrasy.

i have a friend who keeps a tattered angpow in his wallet, from when exactly he can't recall. the money, of course, has long been spent, but the reminder of his parents' love and wishes remaines. it is sweet, don't you think? to carry a piece of that love around with you for the rest of that year.